Early morning errands called me. The sun was flirting with the mountains but hadn't yet committed to rising. I looked up and saw a grey sky. A thick blanket of clouds met my gaze and I knew it would be a long, cold day. I assumed there would be wind and rain.
After getting the boys buckled into the car, we set out for our destination and the dawn finally transitioned to day. The sun shone and I looked again at the cloud cover. I had been wrong. Rather than being threatening and full of storms, the clouds were wispy and transparent. I could see that the sun would dispel the gloom very quickly.
The day was windy, though. We drove up the canyon and I couldn't keep the car driving in quite a straight line, even with two hands on the steering wheel. Leaves swirled from their roadside beds and danced in the air in front of me. I wouldn't have traded that sight for any number of sunny days. It was beautiful.
The wind faded. The day ended with me sitting in a sunny spot at Brigham Young University campus, sipping a smoothie and chatting with my dad and sister. It became admittedly uncomfortable as the sun stretched lower in the sky and the shadows settled onto our bench, but it was peaceful.
Last week, I was facing a tremendously stressful situation with one of my children. The gloom seemed complete as I searched for answers and was surrounded by deepening problems. This week, the sun rose and dispelled the gloom. I found comfort in my friends and family, and hope in each small improvement I noted.
There was wind. Things are still rough. Children become little storm clouds some days, but I wouldn't trade them for all the sunny days I might have if they weren't in my life. I remember too clearly the tears and frustration before I was able to have children. The kids may swirl around me and force me to parent with both hands on the steering wheel, and my life may still not travel in the straight line I'd prefer.
I know that the gloom will fade, problems will resolve and I will one day sit in the shadows of my setting life with my family, and I will feel peaceful.
That's really beautiful, Juliana. Thank you so much for sharing this!
ReplyDeleteYou really have a gift with words. Thanks for sharing and keep doing so :)
ReplyDeleteWe worry so much about certain things when they are little. Developmental kinds of things. And then when they are older we worry about other stuff. But you grow in your motherhood and are always able to rise to the challenge! I am glad you are feeling better about things.
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