I Hereby Resolve...

Everybody seems to be blogging about their New Year's Resolutions.

Last year, I took a novel approach and made one (1) resolution. Then I really focused on it and tried to change my life. Looking back, I think it worked. I succeeded.

My resolution last year goes something like this: I will stop saying, "It can't be done because of the obstacles." I will start saying, "How can these obstacles be overcome?"

Last year was all about learning how to persevere, even when things seemed overwhelming (which, incidentally, was more frequent than I'd prefer.) As a result of that mindset shift, I overcame the obstacles that had prevented me from exercising regularly. I got up regularly at 5:45 a.m. and did 30 minutes of cardio, followed by a brief stretching routine (that's the reward for doing the cardio!) and a nice, but brief, shower.

What a difference that made in my life! I started getting energy back, stopped having so much back pain, and started feeling more cheerful and confident. It wasn't about getting perfectly thin--it was about feeling healthy. That was just a side effect of my "let's get it done" attitude shift for New Year's.

So how can I top that in 2008?

Drumroll please. My Resolution for 2008 is: I will stop looking to others to define who I am. I will reach to my innermost soul and discover confidence from within.

We all have our deep, dirty little secrets. I recently discovered one about myself, which has changed my life. It's not pretty, but now that I can define it, I can understand how to change it. The secret is that I have characteristics of "co-dependency." People who are codependent are uptight, anxious and bossy. (I'm not proud to admit this to friends, family, neighbors and perfect strangers...But most of you already knew.)

When you're co-dependent, you've taken the idea of "charity" way too far: you become completely enmeshed in other people's lives to an unhealthy point. You try to rescue them, and in the process, you make it so they don't have to help themselves. The book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie describes this well: we're doing the WRONG things for the RIGHT reasons.

The ugly side effect of this is that when you become codependent, you start to lose your own identity. Then you get blown about by other people. When somebody else is happy, you're happy. But if they're sad, you're sad. You don't know why. You just are. And you can't control it because you've surrendered your control to somebody else.

It's icky. It's ugly. It's stress-provoking. It's anxiety-provoking. You give and give and give and people just take and take and then don't respect you. You don't respect yourself.

But the great thing about it is that once you realize what's going on, you can put on the brakes. You can start to think for yourself again. You can have fun in life again! Woohoo!

Being a mother has gotten my life completely wrapped up in caring for other people--and there is NOTHING wrong with that. It's awesome to be a Mom. But if I don't take care of myself and learn to like myself, my kids will suffer for it. So for the benefit of my children and anybody else who has had me worry myself silly over them and suffocate them with good intentions, there is good news: the old me, who was funny and happy and full of life, will be back soon. Stay tuned, y'all.

Can't wait for 2008.