Best Job In The World

I know this is a tired old theme with me, but I never get sick of it because it's real life every day.

People call stay-at-home motherhood the "Best Job In The World." I think about this frequently when mopping up spilled cereal bowls, wiping pee off the walls or changing my shirt for the bazillionth time because Elijah spit up on me. (Yes, it's been a few years since the spit up, but it's awfully hard to forget because he was so consistent and volumous.)

I am frequently heard to grumble something that sounds like, "Best freakin' job in the world, huh?" My husband will confirm this exact phrase is highly overused in our house. Sometimes I wonder if it's an old-fashioned form of torture invented by diabolical minds. ("I know! We'll make her stay at home with the kids! Limited social interaction, mental stagnation and gallons of bodily fluids! Mwahahaha!")

Despite my bitter ramblings, however, I do frequently think of it as the best job in the world. Flexible scheduling (although I'm on duty 24/7), grateful clientele, and the promise that someday in the future they will all be in school and my work week will allow six hours a day when I can wipe the pee off the walls without them trying to step in it. Bliss!

Okay, perhaps even my Optimistic Take sounds a tad on the Sarcastic Rant end of the spectrum. You'd forgive me if you were at Maceys today around 11:30 a.m. Hi, I'm the one with the screaming children who were alternately hurting each other and demanding things that Mom was not about to buy just to appease a temper tantrum. (As if!) The bagger looked very concerned and said, "He's going to lose his voice." I replied, "Yes, I hope so."

The best part of this temper tantrum, however, was how it changed into this when we got home:

Elijah: "GOTTA GO PEE PEE AT MACEYS!!!!"
Mom: "I know how much you'd like to use the Maceys bathroom. We're home now and we have four toilets you can choose from. Which one would you like..."
Elijah: "GOTTA GO PEE PEE AT MACEYS!!!!"
Mom: "I understand how upset you are and I'm sorry to see you so sad, but we cannot go back to Maceys right now."
Elijah: "I STARTED GOING PEE PEE IN MY UNDERWEAR! WAAAAHHHH!"
Mom: "Quick! Get onto the toilet! I'll help you!"
Elijah: "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! GOTTA GO PEE PEE AT MACEYS!! WAAAAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!"

In retrospect, I'm super proud of how calm I stayed and how hard I tried to validate his feelings instead of just telling him no no no no no. But it got a bit tense there for a while. The funniest part was when Elijah's screaming got so intense that Thomas spontaneously burst into tears and Elijah started screaming, "NOOO TOMMY! YOU DON'T CRY!!!!!" Good times, good times.

In retrospect, the whole thing was pretty funny. And the kids are calmly sleeping now, so I can sit here and blog while ignoring the sticky floors and piles of dishes. What other employer would allow this kind of mid-day break? And what other clientele would give me great big bear hugs and sloppy kisses on the cheek when I'm doing a good job? (I really would rather not know.) Maybe this is a pretty good gig after all.