Like I said, I'm a wimp. If I weren't a wimp, I'd change that "No Soliciting" sign on the front door. It would instead read:
No Soliciting.
No, really. I mean it.
I don't need my lawn aerated. I don't need my windows washed. No, I don't think I can handle buying that much beef right now, even though the quality must be superb. It's wonderful that you're giving away "free" security systems, but our definitions of "free" don't line up too well. Your produce samples are delicious, but I'm really not in the market to buy at those prices. My cleaning supplies work just fine, but yes, the pictures of your poor, starving children that you're our here working door-to-door in sweltering heat for really are adorable. I'm not in the market to upgrade my television package. I'm happy with my internet provider. Don't even talk to me about phone service. I'm covered.
If you're still considering ringing my doorbell and disturbing my children (who are likely asleep simply because you're ringing the doorbell and knocking very loudly), please understand I will treat you with the utmost respect... outwardly. I will look at all of your brochures, I will ask you many questions, and I will smile when you mention the names of people across the street who are "delighted" about the services you're selling. I will ooh and ahh over the pictures of your children when you become desperate enough to pull those out. Then I will ask the details of the contract or ingredients or assembly process. I will be so enthusiastic that your heart will start to race and you'll be thinking, "I've definitely got this one in the bag." You'll be counting off your commissions with glee.
Then... and ONLY then... will I point at this sign in disgust and tell you to take a hike. Because if you really are arrogant enough to think you're the one salesman in the world whom I will listen to when I have rejected all the others, you deserve to know exactly what it feels like to have somebody wasting your precious time, disturbing the flow of your work and simply annoying you.
Yes, I mean YOU. Do not ring that doorbell. Do not knock loudly on my door.
Turn around. Slouch away.
You can do it.
NO SOLICITING.
I'm usually a wimp, too, but for some reason, I can be mean to solicitors. If you want me to come over and be mean to yours, I can. :)
ReplyDeleteI just might print that out for my door - you expressed the sentiment perfectly! The only thing I'd add is something to the effect that if I need something, I am perfectly capable of locating and purchasing it on my own. I also really hate, "I'm not selling anything today" - some lady recently told me that and then tried to sell me windows.
ReplyDeleteOooo, I made the mistake of inviting in a Kirby vacuum girl once. When I turned her down I was harassed and berated for wasting her time. It was horrible.
ReplyDeleteI need to get meaner.
So um I guess I that goes for Girl Scout's too? :)
ReplyDeleteI am totally mean to them. I have even told a group of high school kids that they need to focus on reading, because they don't know how to read my sign. I get so annoyed when I answer the door and find a sales person.
ReplyDeleteI love the tagline on your picture - you can't scare me, I have children! How true is that!
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ReplyDeleteAm I the only one who finds it ironic that this post was written by a Mormon? Isn't soliciting people door to door a big part of the Mormon religion? Just saying...
ReplyDeleteDear anonymous: After polling myself, the answer is yes. I'm not attacking an entire group of people (companies who sell door-to-door, or people who work for such companies)... I'm merely expressing mild irritation with people who don't respect the "No Soliciting" signs.
ReplyDeleteI can see your viewpoint though I don't share it.