Words are wonderful things. Tonight I am not "sad" but woebegone, lugubrious and melancholy.
By definition, these words are synonyms, yet each word tastes slightly different on the tongue. Of all the flavors of sadness, tonight belongs to melancholy. I am not depressed. Nor am I despondent. I am melancholy. You can throw in a touch of somber and a hint of glum. Stir them together and you can taste the exact flavor of my mood.
I spent far too many hours reading the cheapest kinds of words while I was on bed rest recently. Cheap words are flat, lifeless ... like stale white bread, they have no flavor or substance. I like words that cost me a moment's hesitation--processing, feeling, understanding the subtle implications of why that particular word may have been chosen.
I love old, boring, slow-moving novels because they spend more time feeding my soul than stuffing the greedy tastebuds of a bored mind. I couldn't help myself when I was on bed rest--my brain took a 10-week vacation and refused to process anything but the simplest of words, so I read the simplest of books.
Yesterday morning, I sat staring through the light and dark contrast of my window blinds, wondering if I would ever rediscover my love of literature after feeding myself on the sugar and spice of young adventure novels. I thought sadly that perhaps there are times in life when we discover we have simply changed and lost a taste for what we previously valued. I thought perhaps I'd never truly enjoy E. M. Forster or Charles Dickens ever again.
Then, as I sat brainlessly scanning the saved programs on my DVR a few hours later, I settled on a recording of Hamlet that my husband had recorded. It was brilliant. Beautiful. Emotional. The flow of Shakespeare's words filled me up and awakened something that had been lying dormant.
I feel as if I'm coming home to myself after months of mental drudgery and cognitive coma. And even if I'm feeling mournful and melancholy right now, it feels good to be able to express it with just the right words.
I hope your melancholy doesn't last too long. I mix up (not on purpose) what I feel in the mood to read. Right now I am reading some non-fiction, which is feeling really good.
ReplyDeleteHope to see you soon.
I have decided that for the next two years my focus needs to be on History seeing as that is my major, so if you have any good history books to recommend let me know. I have July 20th in line and then The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire. But after that nothing has grabbed my attention, though I am sure there are plenty out there.
ReplyDeleteI love the written word. I love deep meaningful books that use words to create landscapes in my mind, but I must admit there are times I love the cheap words, mostly because it is in those books that you think are meaningless fluff that the best storyline grabs you. Think Twilight, it isn't great literature, but Carlisle's story and the power behind his motivation to be what he is speaks volumes to me. Don't overlook the fluff too much, something there just might surprise you!
I am an adulturous reader. No, no, let me explain! I love the classics. LOVE the classics. They offer so much. But occasionally (as with your bedrest time), I just fool around with something else... Say, a little YA here, chick-lit there, and a dash of mystery, or if I am feeling totally in the mood, a non-fiction. But I always come back to my Classics.
ReplyDeleteHappy to hear I'm not the only one :)