When People Move

When Josh and I first got married, we were welcomed with open arms into our new neighborhood. People were so kind and concerned about us. Then one day, several years later, we put out our "For Sale By Owner" sign and expected to get bombarded with people sighing in regret.

And then we kept waiting.

Apparently, we had fallen off the edge of the planet. Never mind that we were building a house in a development that was adjacent to the neighborhood we were moving out of. Across the street = another planet! Nobody called. Very few people mentioned it at church. I could almost hear people thinking, "They're moving so there's no need to cultivate their friendship anymore. What's the point? They'll be gone soon."

This reaction was obviously a bit disturbing to me. It made me question the motivation behind the kindness people had shown us before. Were they simply trying to keep relations smooth because that's neighborly? Or something more cynical: because keeping friendly with the neighbors makes it easier to resolve conflicts? It may be cynical, but I've seen it happen plenty because I'm a landlord.

It happens every time. When the tenants move in to our basement, they are super willing to work around any problem and they profess to be the world's easiest-to-get-along with people. They don't care if my kids run around early in the morning right above their bedroom. They don't care if I sing... very loudly... especially while I'm in the shower. They don't care if I forget to get the mail until it's so full that they can't get their own mail out.

Then they give 30 days notice. I could call those 30 days a "chilly" period. They no longer have the motivation to play nice with us anymore. (Well, actually, they do because I have their rent deposit but they usually seem to forget this aspect.) Suddenly, they're all business and common courtesy goes out the window.

Two evenings ago, I lost track of the time and was quietly singing as I was taking out my contacts and getting ready for bed. Apparently the tenant below me didn't think it was very quiet and actually SCREAMED at me to stop! I was in total, total shock. I have never in my life had a tenant do something so disrespectful! For heaven's sake, please pick up the phone. Or come knock on my door. I may have been at fault for losing track of how late it was, but a little common courtesy still goes a loooong way!

It's not coincidence (in my mind) that they just notified us of their intent to move out in a month. In the past, when I've asked if my singing bothers them, they just sort of laugh and shake their heads. And now...

So what? So a few weeks ago, a couple was moving out of our neighborhood into a new home of their own. I really wanted to tell them I'd miss them and had enjoyed being with them in choir, but I just was a bit too shy to make the words come out. They moved. The moment was lost. Then I noticed the wife is included in our Book Group emails. I quickly repented and sent her a quick note expressing my sadness that we wouldn't see them as often. And I really meant it. I adore my neighbors and I hate losing them to the tides of life change. But it's not enough to show my love when they're here. I need to let them know that I still value their friendships... even when our lives are diverging.