More Festivities :: Green With Envy?

If you were green with envy over our hot Christmas plans, just wait until you hear about New Year's.

All the things we were hoping to do fizzled into silence, so we ended up at home, tucking the kids into bed at 8 p.m. as usual. (Okay, I admit: we let them stay up until 8:30. Whoop-dee-doo!) Then Josh and I played board games with my Mom until 10:15. Suffice to say, we were sound asleep by the time our neighbors decided to start shooting off fireworks.

Have you ever noticed that fireworks are less fun if you're trying to sleep through them? Here's how we rang in the New Year:

11:45 :: Asleep
Midnight :: Awakened by slightly annoying sounds of horns and noise makers
12:05 :: Back to sleep
12:07 :: Awakened by screaming child who is dead tired and does not appreciate the noise makers, horns and screaming
12:muchlater :: After forcing ourselves awake, tending to screaming child, losing yet a little more hearing, listening to more crying, etc. etc. we are finally able to get back to sleep
~30 minutes later :: Did somebody think Midnight came at 1:30 a.m.? Seriously folks, the fireworks were understandable at 12:01. Even 12:05. Even forgivable at 12:30. But there should be a limit on how late people can keep neighbors awake with fireworks. Since I know several neighbors read this blog, I dare not elaborate on the things I wanted to scream out the window as my sleep-deprived children and I tried to sleep through ANOTHER round of noise.

*sigh* I am getting to be such an old loser. Gone are the days (365 days ago?) when I was the one making noise and partaying. Someone teach me how to have a life again. Please?

~ ~ ~

Speaking of Festive Festivities, I feel it my duty to blog about the most unusual Christmas present my husband ever gave me. This was the pre-kids stage when we actually had time to remember we were married. One might suspect a fun Christmas present. Something impractical that Juliana's tightwaddery would never allow her to buy during the year. Maybe even a gift slightly romantic...?

Imagine my surprise when I opened up a package of ~10,000 staples. Huh. Staples! And thousands of them! I couldn't remember the last time I had stapled something, but I loved the gift! It was completely unexpected which is certainly worth big points. And memorable. So many Christmas gifts are entirely forgettable. But ain't nobody gonna forget 10,000 staples.

Fast forward to 2008. I had been searching all over the house for a stapler. Yeah, you'd think we'd have a nice stapler to go WITH all those staples. I found a cheap plastic 99 cent one that was broken. I could have sworn we had a nice one. Somewhere. (The trouble with a filthy house is that it's not always easy to find things like staplers, car keys or young children.)

So I went shopping yesterday for a new stapler. They had the same 99 cent cheap-os that I had tried before. Since that hadn't worked out, I decided an upgrade was advisable. They had some stapler combos for about $4 and some professional-grade staplers for about $10. The $4 stapler looked fine for what I need, but there was one major drawback. It came bundled with a staple remover and.... staples. Nooooo! No more staples! I actually stood there, staring at the $10 stapler for a long time, thinking it was worth the extra money NOT to have the staples bundled with it. But in the end, my tightwaddery won out and I am the proud owner of even more staples than I had before.

If you ever need staples, drop by and let me know. I'm here for you.

An Ode to 2008

My arms reach out to you: a year of mystery.
The past is stamped with fact
The future, unknown, calls to me
Like a mysterious lover

I look into your teasing eyes—
Will you promise joys innumerable?
Will you turn your back on me?
You wink and turn, beckoning

I follow, drawn by the gravity of time
I cannot fight your power. I don’t want to.
I believe all your promises: {my dreams}
Though you have left them unspoken

I want to look into the crystal ball of your gaze
But I cannot—I am afraid.
I lack the strength now that I will need then

Serenity reigns: the future will come.
Though it is a chasm, a darkness that none can see
I will carry myself through.
The Heavens will light the path.
I will hold the hand of my friends.
When I start to faint, others will buoy me up.
And as I am strong, I will lift others.

So I embrace what will come.
I kiss the lips of fate.
Though you may turn your back on me

I will not reject myself.

All is well, all is well.

Domestic Re-Orgs > Egg Nog

Josh got his final grade for his final assignments and final final for his final class of his final semester to get his Bachelor's Degree last week. He got a great grade and now the celebrations officially begin!

Last week we cleaned out our cold storage room, moved a desk into our "Room Without a Name" (which is now, naturally, "Juliana's Office :: STAY OUT"), reorganized the nook over our garage (which is now, happily, "The Library :: Sit Down and Relax (Kids STAY OUT!)") and started a new mail sorting system. If that's not festive, I don't know what is. I can't think of a better way to celebrate the end of his Bachelor's Degree.

Okay, so maybe Sandra has the right idea with booking a cruise, but well, cleaning out a cold storage room is kind of fun, too. (I'm trying to enter a delusional state where I actually believe that's true. I'll let you know if I can abandon reality enough to make it happen.)

It would be appropriate for me to acknowledge the holidays last week and list the cool, fun, family-oriented stuff we did for Christmas. In case you missed it, refer to paragraph (2) above. I could also write about boring stuff like Stocking Stuffers, chocolate cake, delighted looks on the wee ones' faces, and board game until midnight, but that stuff is tame compared to domestic reorgs. (Yes, a few mattresses were laid off during the internal restructuring. Our best wishes to them during this time of unemployment until they hit the land fill.)

Still Green

It's still good to be green. Dark green, even:

http://www.loanperformance.com/pressreleases/pr121907.aspx


There are many different reports I've perused regarding the current housing crisis and each paints a different picture. Each morning I glance at the headlines for an RSS feed called HousingWire. Each day, there is some new mortgage company in crisis, some new scandal regarding a well-established company or news of a plan to fix it all.

Most of the news is quite bleak. I have seen for myself in recent months the effect this is having locally.


1. Increased housing supply leads to ...
2. Stiffer competition to sell homes, which leads to ...
3. Panicky sellers who want to move their homes quickly, who then drop prices to incentivize buyers, which leads to ...
4. Dropping prices.


I was starting to worry that this would become a widespread phenomenon as appraisals started to use those panicky buyer's homes as comparables. In fact, how could that not happen? Despite my optimism that Utah will not spiral wildly out of control like other markets**, it seems logical that we'll experience at least a temporary, slight suppression of prices.


So, when good news comes along, I gotta embrace it. According to the above-sited source, the Salt Lake metro area is second only to Honolulu for U.S. home price increases over the last year.


I'm not sure why different articles' statistics are so divergent, but luckily I'm not an economist or realtor. I can just sit back and enjoy the show. And occassionally clap when I read an article like this. And wish I had some spare $100Ks sitting around to show my appreciation for the current levels of supply and demand.

** I earlier posted why Utah wouldn't see home prices drop. The great thing about life is that people can change their mind. This is called "growing up" and "keeping an open mind." I still reserve the right to enjoy the ride without defining myself by my past. :-D Cheers!

Mixed Feelings

For some reason, I used to have really unfriendly feelings toward our local HMO. Those feelings started to disappear when they hired my husband. It's hard to hate the organization that provides your family's paycheck. It's even harder to hate them when the per-paycheck premiums for health insurance are about half of what we used to pay.

Then you read the fine print: a deductible? That's evil! Here's what it means: your kids get sick and instead of paying a $15 copay to have the kids ears and throat checked, you start to stress. You think, "How much will it cost to take the kids in? Will it cost extra if they have to do a nebulizer treatment in the office? Will my flu shot cost extra? Will they charge me more if I see them for two problems in one appointment instead of just one?!?!" And you find yourself saying, "Well, maybe I'll take the kids in tomorrow. He only looks a little dehydrated" .. or... "There's only a little bit of blood" ... or... "His breathing isn't that labored. He'll make it through the night."

Okay, so I'm exaggerating a little bit with the "make it through the night" bit, but the point still stands. Instead of being able to go in to the doctor and get some reassurance (or a prescription, or advice, or whatever...) you start thinking, "The doctor probably wouldn't be able to do anything anyway."

Of course this is the reason evil HMOs came up with deductibles: it encourages people to stay home instead of going to the doctor, which is good financial sense for them. That's what they mean when they see "keeping costs down." Peace of mind is out the window, but whatever. They seem to be able to sleep through the night, even if my two-year-old son cannot.

This was on my mind a bit yesterday, since 80% of my household is sick right now. Nothing major, but it still got me thinking: I hate IHC.

Change of heart: My husband just got the details of his annual pay raise. I love IHC. I always love my husband's employers this time of year. My heart softens and I start to compose sonnets to the people who make it possible for me to have the best job in the world: a stay-at-home Mom (which, incidentally, is also the stinking stinkiest job in the world sometimes. See previous posts. But it's also the best.)

I'm almost resolved not to say the word "evil" when I pay $200 for a 15-minute visit to my wrist specialist next January.

But I might think it.

Exercise in Futility

As I was loading yet another load of laundry into the washing machine a few minutes ago, it hit me: THIS is why I sometimes hate being a stay-at-home mom. It's not the laundry per se. It's the fact that you're NEVER done! Unless you're doing laundry while you and your entire family are completely naked, there is more dirty laundry waiting for you! No matter hard you work to get it "done" it's never done. That small moment of accomplishment lasts no more than 12 hours when the kids start tossing dirty socks, pants, jackets, shirts, sweatshirts and underwear all over the living room.

Let's compare to my former life as a student: clear, concise, reachable goals with a definite deadline. And best of all, when you're done there is nearly instant feedback! Not only do you know if you are definitely "succeeding" or "failing" but you can even quantify your success or failure! My brain likes this. It's easy to wrap your mind around a 3.whatever grade point average and pat yourself on the back--it's not so easy to feel success when your kids reach some milestone. After all, shouldn't that be their success, not yours?

So where do we stay-at-home parents get our sense of accomplishment? Is it that laundry room that was totally clean for a record 45 minutes? Or the dishwasher that we unloaded barely in time to fill it up after dinner? Or is the dinner itself, which we spent four hours cooking and our families spent exactly 13 minutes gulping down or refusing to eat? Do we feel a sense of accomplishment when our kids clean their rooms after a mere seven weeks of being asked to?

Last night I went out to eat with some girlie friends from high school. We went to this cute little out-of-the-way restaurant called "Art City Trolley." Besides discovering that our server, Chris, was a really good sport with all of our giggling and snorting laughter, I also discovered there is a place that still serves that Heinz Ketchup that won't come out of the bottle. You remember those commercials where the guy would tip the bottle upside down, run down 99 flights of steps, buy a hotdog just in time for the ketchup to finally drip out of the bottle onto his plate? The motto was, "Good thing comes to those who wait."

I'm hoping that's true of parenting, too.

Flashback ~~ The Way My Brain Works

Flashback: It's 1990 and I'm in Junior High School. I've made the High Honor Role (or is that "Roll"? It is so not 1990 anymore) and I'm down in the foyer of Lakeridge Junior High, having my photo snapped with the rest of the 4.0ers.

** Open Mouth **

Me: "Hey Jerry, what are you doing here?"
Jerry: "I got a 4.o"

**Insert Foot**

Me: "Really?!?! I never would have guessed that of you."
Jerry, after a very, very, very slight pause: "Yeah, that's what I was just thinking about you."

I've never really given off "smart" and "academic" vibes and this is why:

The Way My Brain Works: The way I think and the way I talk are polar opposites. I don't mean to lead anybody astray. I just learned long ago that people give you funny looks when you sound like Jane Austen or Charles Dickens. I recently learned that being like totally bad at putting words together ... doesn't disqualify me from being an okay writer, because I can put my thoughts on paper and not my like totally valley girl lame convo.

The way I talk: "What it is, Bro? Oh duh. So, like, what's up with you? You good and stuff?"

The way I think: The door opened and my brother's distinctive voice echoed through the hall. As the sunlight fell on his profile, I saw unmistakeable signs of distress in his demeanor. As I meandered toward him casually, my eyes subtly scanned his face. His eyes looked tired and lacked their usual brightness. His eyebrows were slightly drawn together and his lips formed a slight frown until he noticed my presence. He smiled, but it was a tired smile--the smile you give to try to reassure other people--or yoursel--that yes, things are just fine.

I greeted him affectionately. [see above] He replied with an equally affectionate, and typically humorous, turn of phrase. His face and his sagging shoulders belied his light-hearted words.

Hi, don't be scared: No, but seriously, folks. I'm only slightly freakish in the way I think. The above example is much less frightening than what you'd get after I finish a good 200-year-old novel. I'm a cognitive chameleon--I can't help thinking in the phrases and expressions of the books I read: endless description with occasional dialogue after Dickens, humorous little social observations after Austen, and philosophical mental meanderings after Forster. I think that's part of why I love to read. For a brief time, it really changes the world I live in. If I could ever write well enough to create beautiful worlds for other people, I think that would be about all I could ask for from this crazy life.

My Swiss Heritage

This is where I was raised:

View Larger Map

This is where I could have been raised, had my great-grandfather stayed in Switzerland:

View Larger Map

Notice the greenness of Rueggisberg? The quaintness? The history that comes with being hundreds of years old?

Orem is less than 100 years old. It's full of streets. And houses. And really, really ugly cinderblock strip malls. And more strip malls.

I knew people made large sacrifices when they joined the LDS church and came to Utah to be with "the saints." But I never thought I'd feel that pain so intensely, removed several generations as I am.

I could have been raised in Switzerland...

I could have been Swiss...

The cuckoo clocks and the..

Dare I speak it?

The chocolate! Swiss Chocolate! I think I'm gonna go cry myself to sleep. *sniff*

Requested Recipe :: Chocolate Squares

Here are two recipes requested from my Book Group last night. I provided treats that centered around a European theme--focusing on Germany, where our selected book was set. Now you're all lucky enough to be able to make these unique Christmas goodies, too! Enjoy und guten appetit!



CHOCOLATE SQUARES
Elsa Siegmund

1 c. + 2 TBSP. flour (sifted)
½ tsp baking powder
½ cup butter
1 ¼ cups sugar
1 tsp. vanilla extract
5 eggs (separated)
3-4 squares (3-4 ounces) semi-sweet baking chocolate (grated)
Optional: Chocolate Butter Cream Frosting (recipe below)

Instructions:
Grease and flour baking pan (about 9 x 13” size). Preheat oven to 325 degrees.

Sift flour and baking powder together. Set aside. Grate chocolate and set aside.

Cream together butter and sugar. Add egg yolks and vanilla. Mix well. In a separate bowl, beat egg whites until stiff. Alternately fold beaten egg whites, flour and grated chocolate into butter mixture.

Pour batter into prepared pan. Bake 30-35 minutes at 325 degrees or until top is slightly browned and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Cool in pan (about 15-20 minutes) and then cut into squares. Roll each square in a bowl of sugar until well coated.

Optional: After squares have completely cooled, cut them in half (separating the top and bottom) and fill with chocolate butter cream frosting (below) if desired.

CHOCOLATE BUTTER CREAM FROSTING

2 eggs
2/3 cup granulated sugar
1-2 tsp vanilla extract
3-4 cubes (ounces) semi-sweet baking chocolate
1 1/3 stick butter at room temperature

In double boiler, mix eggs and sugar and cook over medium heat, till mixture begins to thicken. Add vanilla extract. Soften chocolate in oven or microwave and add to egg mixture. Cook till chocolate is completely melted and mixture is smooth. Allow to cool in refrigerator. When almost cool, add chocolate mixture to butter a little at a time, beating well after each addition. Beat till mixture is smooth.

Makes enough frosting for a 3-layer cake (8-9” layers). Best to use fresh, but frosting can also be refrigerated or frozen for later use.

MOM'S PFEFFERNUSSE
See the full recipe at http://www.goodhousekeeping.com/recipefinder/moms-pfeffernusse-2518

Personal notes for the chocolate squares: I combined the shredded chocolate with the flour + baking powder and that turned out fine. I highly (highly) recommend the optional filling. So yummy, and there's plenty left over to use for something else (or you could make a half batch of the frosting and have plenty for these squares). I did not sift my flour, but mixed it around in the container before scooping it to loosen it up a bit. If you buy an eight-ounce box of baking chocolate, you can use half in each recipe (cake + frosting), or have two ounces left over for dipping pretzels, marshmallows or other yummies. Somebody suggested I fill these with Nutella instead of the Chocolate Buttercream. That sounds like an amazingly awesome idea. I'll just have to make another batch. Oh snap!

Lucky #7

I've been "tagged" which is sort of new to me in the blogosphere, but here we go!

Seven Things You Probably Didn't Know Before And Probably Will Wish You Didn't Know After You Know them:

1. When I was doing a History Fair project in junior high, we sent letters to a bunch of celebrities who had recorded political songs. Two responses: The first was an autographed John Denver photo which I now cherish, though I didn't know his music at the time. The second was a small postcard that said, "Call me" with a phone number scribbled. When we deciphered the signature, it was Pete Seeger!!! It was AWESOME talking to him on the phone and he told us awesome stories.

2. I'm totally a cat person. I love cats SO much and will always bend down to give your cat a snuggle if you own one. Josh is allergic, so I can't have my own, which breaks my heart.

3. When I was in college, I took a ballroom dance class and LOVED it. I've always dreamed of taking a class since then because there was nothing I loved more than that dancing. But it's just weirder when you're a "grown up." (I love watching "Dancing With The Stars"--Gooooo Helio!)

4. I've owned two miserably painful businesses. :-D Both were great learning experiences, although both ended with bad circumstances. The first was selling stickers and custom desktop publishing (I sold stickers at the MTC, BYU bookstore & Deseret Book). The second was a partnership to make movies for LDS kids. That one fell apart when I got pregnant with the twins and my partners decided to move to greener pastures. I'll always feel sad about that.

5. I lived in Baden, Austria for six months when I was seven years old. My dad was helping administer the Study Abroad program for BYU that semester. That was an amazing experience and I have always wanted to go back to visit the Rosarium, hike up to the castle, and smell the vendors outside the Vienna Opera.

6. The last two are two pieces of the same puzzle. I have increasingly had "anxiety" issues in the last few years. The first piece of this is that I totally freeze up in most social situations. I used to be the life of the party and social all the time. Now I nearly have an anxiety attack when I'm calling my best friends. I see all my neighbors doing stuff together all the time and I just sort of sit by and feel bad that I'm not joining in. Ouch.

7. The last thing is that I get extreme performance anxiety when I sing. The most embarrassing moment of my life was trying to sing for the relief society two Christmases ago when I was sick. I slaughtered the song, couldn't breathe right, and my voice was totally uncontrollable with those thick vocal chords. I wanted to absolutely melt into the floor and disappear. And then... for some strange reason... I volunteered to sing again the year after... and this year I'm singing another solo. Apparently I'm a slow learner. And I'm also scared spitless.

Sorry they're so long-winded. That is something you already knew about me--the longwindedness. Now I get to "tag" some people. I'd love to learn more about Craig & Jaclyn, Sandra, Mike (though I doubt he'd dare put something so fluffy on his uber-techno-geekiness blog), Lisa, and all of my Mommies friends. :-)

The world's biggest sigh of relief

I've been full of boring, self-indulgent blog posts lately so why break tradition now? I'll try to do something lighter in a few days, like the next piece of Anna & Alex. In the meantime:

It is with the happiest of hearts that I can say... We did it!!!!! Josh finished his last final exam for his last class for his Bachelor's degree on Wednesday. It's taken a long time--longer than Josh or I would like to admit--and it has been a painful road. Which makes us all the prouder that it is done.

If I'm not mistaken, Josh will be the first one in his immediate family line to finish a bachelor's degree. His parents both had some college training, but never made it this far. I'm sure they wish they could have, but life doesn't always make things easy. They set a great example for him, though, by always teaching him the value of education and the value of learning in any setting, be it in school or finding an educational TV show or just observing the world around us. Hats off to them, too, for this accomplishment of Josh's. I know they are immensely proud of him.

Josh has been doing double duty since we got married: working full-time (in Salt Lake) and going to school in the evenings. It has left him exactly zero personal time to discover hobbies, talents and little projects on the side. Our lawn has sometimes been unmowed for weeks, or unwatered if the sprinkler system was broken. (Despite his best efforts, he could never convince me that I wanted to become a handyman.) Our travel time, game time, date time, relaxation time and "sanity" time has been wrapped up in this common goal for years. I feel like the weight of the world was just lifted off my shoulders. We celebrated his final final by going to Boardgame Revolution and then staying up late with the 2007 Spiel des Jahres, Zooloretto.

I feel infinitely prouder of Josh's bachelor's than of my own. Helping him get his was infinitely harder than getting my own. Sitting back and "supporting" Josh, counting the thousands of hours he was away from the family, was much harder and much less rewarding than learning things myself! And when things got hard, there wasn't anything I could do to make things better. Just hope and pray that things would work out. I hate that helpless, "out of control" feeling when I have to just sit by and watch my own life unfold around me.

This all leads me to ask: would I do it all over again? That thought makes me sick to my stomach, so let's leave it unanswered. Suffice to say that we tried to do what was right for our family every step of the way, even when it was counterintuitive and more difficult than doing things the normal way. Having a beautiful home and steady income was NOT worth the pain and stress we've dealt with. But knowing that we've tried to follow inspiration to do things the right way for our particular family DID make it worth it. I pray that my children never have to get their college degrees the hard way. I'll do everything in my power to help them get through college as young as possible so they never understand the sacrifices that their Mom and Dad made for education.

Random Thoughts

My children have been awake for two hours and the sun still isn't up. It's almost dawn. It's going to be a long day defined by sleep deprivation.

~~~~~
I dreamt of board games. Zooloretto was awesome and I can't wait to play Time's Up, Smarty Party, Ingenious, The Great Dalmuti, Eurorails, or Blokus. Or Corsari. Or Cartagena. Yes, I spent half of my Christmas budget yesterday at a fabulous local game store that I am completely twitterpated with. Check it out! It's running with low overhead (hence low prices) out of a basement of an office in an obscure location in central Orem and it's called Board Game Revolution. You can buy online, too.


~~~~~
Late Thanksgiving Reverie: I ought to give a list of things I'm grateful for, but there is one item that's so big, it clouds everything else out of my brain: an ever-growing family! (No, I'm not pregnant.) My sister was married this month and I have been so, so, so, so, so pleased to welcome David into our family. He fits in perfectly and we all truly adore him.

One of the best things about David (other than working for my most favoritest online company, Google!) is that we get to know his amazing family. He has absolutely the craziest family tree you can imagine with step-siblings and half-siblings and adopted-siblings and people that are "family" even though there's no blood connection. They are the most welcoming bunch of people you can imagine and I love each one of them. I can't wait to show Ben a present we couldn't resist getting him for Christmas. It's perfect. (Oh no! I just lost the game... again! Arrgh!) (We painted the underside green.)

Images of Love

Some lucky woman has a great husband in the making. If he can just keep it up for the next 20 years, Joseph is already being trained to be a true romantic.

Exhibit A: Flowers

This may not look terribly romantic, but this little vase was often full of Joseph's floral offerings during the summer. His favorite were the dandelions, which I heartily encouraged him to remove from the lawn and bring to me.

Exhibit B: Poetry

Last week, Joseph asked, "Mom, how do you spell like?" Then a few moments later, "How do you spell roses?" then "How do you spell blue?" This was the result. Joseph proudly tells me it is his "first poem." I'm not sure if I've ever read a poem that I liked so much.

Exhibit C: Love Letters

Joseph mailed me this letter a few days ago. I was so happy to see it in the mail yesterday, open it up and treasure it in my mind.

If this isn't the beginning of something great, I don't know what more he could be doing. He's already great at giving compliments. At Grandma's house: "Wow, Tiffani! You could bee-you-tee-ful!" At home: "Mommy, you look so pretty today!" At church: "Mom, I really like Sierra's dress today." Then, following Mom's approval, "Sierra, that's a great dress today."

Of course, it's not always so nice. Like yesterday when I was going to show our basement apartment to some potential tenants, the following little conversation ensued:

Mom: "Joseph, stay upstairs."
Joseph: "I know, I know.."
Mom: "You're still following me.." An apologetic look to the tenants who are waiting for our domestic felicity to subside. "Stay here. Joseph. Stop. Now."
Joseph: "But Mooooooommm..."
Mom: "1... 2..."
Joseph: "But Moooommm...." (nearly crying now) "I wanna be a gentleeman! I wanna open the door for you!"

Blinders Still On? a.k.a. "Dropping Prices, I Can't Hear You (Yet)!"

It's good to be green:

http://biz.yahoo.com/prnews/071119/lam053.html?.v=101

Reality Check

I have to admit I'm a hopeless daydreamer.

When I was attending a Catholic grade school in Baden, Austria I passed my days away in day dreams. I didn't learn a blessed thing other than how to cross myself, which my mother still likes to chuckle about. But the daydreaming was forgivable then, since I didn't speak much German and my teacher didn't speak much English.

The habit has continued with me my whole life. If I had all the time in the world to write, I would have endless stories to put on paper because my imagation is always running wild.

To wit:

A few minutes ago I was getting some water from the fridge. As the water was slowly filling my cup, I started looking at the random papers stuck on the fridge. One envelope caught my eye. It was the envelope from my sister's wedding invitation and I had to pull it out to admire it again. Yes, I usually toss envelopes into recycling, but this one is special. Okay, maybe I'm a geek but I think it's special anyway. It is hand-lettered with beautiful calligraphy, done by the same woman who does calligraphy for the Emmys or Grammys or Darwin Awards or something. I mean, it's gooood stuff. Gorgeous.

In a moment, I was transported Walter Mitty-style to the Academy Awards. I was wearing an amazing jewel-studded gown and somebody was looking down at a paper with that same calligraphy on it, calling my name. I stood, tears in my eyes, choked with shock. "Me?" I mouthed silently as the crowd cheered in admiration.

Then the water cup started to overflow and I was transported back to my very dirty kitchen, wearing dirty jeans and my favorite black t-shirt. Back to reality.

Wedding Adventures :: The Creativity Factory

As much as I hate travelogue-style blog entries, I'm making an exception. My sincerest apologies in advance.

Last weekend, I traveled to Oakland, California for my sister's wedding. The whole experience was filled with fabulousness, from the most comfortable mattress I've ever slept on to the fact that I could stay in bed after I woke up without children crying for attention in the room next door. However, most people aren't interested in soft mattresses and how long I lounged in bed (the answer is from 4:30 a.m. when I woke up until about 6:30 when I finally gave up on sleeping any longer).

Most people want the hard-hitting news: "How awesome was Pixar?!?!?"

The answer is, of course, pretty dang awesome. But I'm getting ahead of myself here. As part of the wedding festivities, the whole wedding party was invited for a behind-the-scenes peek at the place where Pixar's magic happens. If this seems like an unusual part of a wedding, I should explain that my new brother-in-law has very close ties to the company.

From the top: We were picked up from the hotel in a tour van, which took us directly to Pixar HQ. Our first site of the huge PIXAR sign over the security gate was accompanied by our driver swearing as he hit the sidewalk and couldn't straighten out the van. I could tell this was going to be a fun evening.

When we first stepped into the building, we were flooded with stimulating imagery and sounds. To our left was a giant Sully and Mike (Monsters, Inc.) greeting us. Photo Op #1. Directly ahead of us was a robot (from their feature coming out next year, Wall-E). To our right was a gift shop which I was thrilled to see since my kids had been bugging me for days about bringing them a present from Pixar. My first order of business was, therefore, taking care of my #1 responsibility: keeping the kids happy.

Gift bag in hand, I was free to explore around a bit more. The entrance to Pixar opens into a huge two-story atrium with staircases on both sides leading to the second story. Beyond the staircases is a restaurant on one side, which was tastefully appointed for the dinner we were going to have after the tour. On the right side was Geek Heaven: a ping-pong table, pool table, air hockey table, numerous couches, a huge mural highlighting one of their movies and a plethora of empty liquor bottles. Employees were at ease in this lounge, winding down after work.

We then split into several small groups for tour time. The first place our guide took us was to the one place I was most anxious to see: the signature wall. This is a bright red wall that "voice talent" signs each time it comes to record a show. Names that grace this wall include Larry the Cable Guy (Mater) (which reminds me: the name "Mater" was inspired by another wall signer, "the real Mater" who was apparently a mayor of some town--get it? Mayor? Mater?), Brad Bird & several other Birds (one of which, at least, is Brad's son), Owen Wilson (Lightning McQueen), Bonnie Hunt (Sally from CARS, Flint from Monsters, Inc. and Rosie from A Bug's Life), and of course John Ratzenberger (Mustafa from Ratatouille, Mack from CARS, Underminer from the Incredibles, Fish School from Finding Nemo, the Abominable Snowman from Monsters, Inc., Hamm from Toy Story & Toy Story 2 and P.T. Flea from A Bug's Life.)

We then got to walk through the production area on the main floor where so much magic happens. The place was absolutely bursting with creativity. You could feel it in the air and it wasn't hard to spot all around. We saw, among numerous other things, two-story cubicles, tastefully appointed indoor tuff sheds, walls of quirky drawings, all the moving, singing characters from an old Chuck-E-Cheese, and the original D from the sign over the entrance to Disneyland (in pieces leaning against a cubicle.)


As we walked past an in-office bar where people were kicking back drinking and still at work, our guide told us two interesting things: (1) he had counted seven bars within the walls of Pixar and (2) we better drink up the scenes we saw projected onto the screen because we wouldn't likely see them again until the finished project was released in 2009.

After drinking up the atmosphere of colors, sounds, images and ideas that floated so freely on floor one, we headed upstairs to walk the corridors where a lot of the original artwork for Ratatouille hung. It was fascinating. So many different mediums were used by hand to create the mood, ambiance and universe that was later created digitally. A fascinating process. Later on, after the fabulous eats, we got to enjoy the game room where my husband took a beating at the Foosball table and I jealousy wished the Ping Pong table would open up. We all went home with a book titled, "PIXAR at the Museum of Modern Art." I'm sure I could look at that book for hours.

Many thanks to those who made us so welcome at Pixar and showed us such amazing hospitality.

Google Reader + Blogger = 20% Heaven

If you scroll down on my blog, you'll notice a new feature on the right. It's called a "Blogroll" and is a new widget available to users of Blogger and Google Reader. It essentially lists all the blogs I subscribe to (that I have made publicly available). This is awesome because it updates automatically and I don't have to take time to manually enter new blogs into a list of links.

This new feature is available due to Google's 20% policy, which allows employees to spend 20% of their time on personal projects. Thanks to Steve Lacey for creating such a useful widget for bloggers like myself.

There is Beauty All Around

I have a confession to make.

I love beauty. The sparkle of morning dew on the blush of rose petals. The carefully crafted color palette of an impressionist painting. The perfect lines achieved by professional dancers. The simple smiles of small children. These things are all beautiful and I stare unabashedly.

Here's where it gets tricky. There are some people who really are just more beautiful than others. I appreciate them like I appreciate beautiful paintings. I try not to stare because my social tact, as wanting as it is, remembers that one tidbit from my youth: "Don't stare at people!"

Unfortunately, sometimes I slip up.

Today, I was at the grocery store and suddenly a face intrigued me. A man was walking past me and my brain instantly noted the softness of his blue eyes, the pleasant proportions of his features, and the warmth of the smile that lit up his whole face. He wasn't smiling at me. He was smiling at the world as he walked through the store. I love it when people choose to be happy with no obvious reason. I think it was that happy smile that made me look again.

We had briefly exchanged glances with my first look, then he had looked away. When he looked back he saw me looking at him again. It was just a half-instant of me enjoying the beauties of the morning--forgetting that this one was living, breathing and capable of knowing when he was being admired. And he knew. I could see it in the infinitesimal sparkle that jumped into his eyes. Sometimes you just know that somebody else knows exactly what you're thinking. In that instant, I was completely transparent and wished I could disappear altogether.

I kept walking, mortified. Not that I was harboring any illicit emotions that I should feel guilty about--just that I felt caught out in my youthful diversions. I tried, as I always do, to laugh about it. As I finished my shopping, I started mentally composing this blog entry, which is usually fairly therapeutic. This time, unfortunately, those thoughts worsened the situation when I realized I'd just stepped into the checkout line directly behind this same man.

In the words of the immortal Homer Simpson, "D'oh!!"

I looked to the left. I looked to the right. No other open checkstands. So I stared at the floor. Then I felt his smile on me. He was enjoying this. Apparently I was still transparent. After about 30 seconds of eternity, it was his turn to pay and leave and I was left to my normal level of social awkwardness.

Good times, good times.

Now, if you're a young newlywed aghast at the idea that a married woman could actually NOTICE another man for three seconds in the grocery store, my apologies. I would just as easily have noticed a beautiful woman, or a beautiful child, or a beautifully crafted advertisement, or a milky-white daisy that had dropped from a display.

I wish it had been a symmetrically pleasing daisy I had noticed, with the cheerful sunburst in the middle staring back at me. That would have been far less embarrassing.

Apologies

Apologies are hard. Especially when they're more necessary for your own healing than somebody else's. You know what I mean? You do something and then you think, "That was stupid. Why did I do that?" Chances are that nine out of ten times the other person just assumed you're a social moron but wasn't actually offended. Times like that are easy for them to brush off, but you're left stressing and anxious about what you did.

I have times like that ALL the time. To the good ladies in my book club, my apologies for bringing up academics and intelligence too much when we were discussing "Freakonomics." Y'all had a good laugh at my social ineptitude--and frankly, so did I!--but I left worrying if I sounded all highfalutin' when I talked about how important education is to my family. Sheesh I still feel embarrassed. See how smart I am? I'm not smart enough to keep my big mouth closed when it needs to be. My social IQ is sometimes zero. Or is it possible for my social IQ to be a negative number? 'Nuff said.

So I had a small apology I wanted to make today, but I thought logically to myself: "Juliana, let sleeping dogs lie. Sheesh, too many cliches running around my head. Can't you think of something better than 'sleeping dogs lie'? Back to the point: forget about it--they'll forget about it--all will be well. Time can heal all wounds. Dang cliches!" So what did I do? Naturally I apologized anyway. This was tricky and it left me close to tears because of that dang negative number social IQ.

The trick is that an apology should not be an invitation for consolation. The point of apologizing SHOULD NOT BE begging for comfort! Naturally when you're apologizing for something, you're making yourself somewhat vulnerable. Weak. At the mercy of somebody else's ... well, uh, mercy I guess. The trick is to not dwell on your own patheticness--no matter how infinite said patheticness is--or else the apology is just a twisted, manipulative way to get somebody that YOU HAVE WRONGED to give you sympathy. That's so wrong but so easy to inadvertently do.

I've been the recipient of this tactic many times, and it annoys the bejeebers out of me. I want to say, "This is not about you. It's about me. Focus! I deserve the pity here--not you!" Of course, that isn't charitable. It's not even nice. It's selfish. But apologies-that-aren't-apologies annoy me. I get a bit testy when it comes to emotionally manipulative annoyances.

I was talking about this with a friend of mine today. She had called me on Saturday to apologize for some things that were on her mind--I never would have known I had been wronged if she hadn't admitted it to me. Naturally I wanted to assure her that no offense was taken and that I adored her for valuing my friendship enough to make things right. This would have been easy to do because she wasn't begging for the validation I wanted to give her. She was sincerely apologizing. However, as I started getting myself all revved up for the "I'm okay. You're okay. We're okay!" speech, the phone connection died. We couldn't make contact again until today, but man. That was funny. Kind of like some emotional director yelling, "Cut! That's a wrap, folks. We'll pick it up again on Monday!"

It's a Bird, It's a Plane...

Thomas, aka Alphaboy or ABC Man, loves his alphabet. Passionately. He can already read several words, including his name, EXIT, TOP and a couple others. It's pretty dang cute. Even cuter is his attempt to master writing the alphabet. Did I mention he's only two?

Look at that lowercase i. And V. And m. Those are awesome. Check these out:

That's a pretty dang good A and B for his age. If only he wasn't drawing them on the sink: