Apple Heaven

This isn't exactly a poem--more just a train of thought out of the regular form. It closely mirrors the thoughts going through my head a few mornings ago as I lay in bed musing on what things make me happy.

Ahhh Autumn

The crisp, cool air biting my lips
My lips biting a crisp, cool apple

Ahhh Apples

Would heaven be owning a big factory—
packed full of apples on conveyer belts—
apples as far as the eye can see—
bouncing up and down—
Into boxes—Into stores—into shopping carts—into homes—into mouths
?

Before the mouths, the homes, the shopping carts, the stores, the boxes
They would be mine
Apples as far as the eye can see
Waiting for that first crisp bite

Ahhh heaven!

No.

One apple tree
One perfect apple
The comfort of one best friend
A splintered ladder

Watch your step!
Hold the ladder for me?
Keep your balance!
I’m almost there.

The prize in my grip:
One perfect apple freed from the branches above me
One thing remains

Back against the tree
The crisp, cool air biting my lips
Smiling at a friend
We see our breath in the morning chill

One perfect bite
Juices running to my chin
I close my eyes
I feel the moment
The moment feels me

It is the waiting
Watching the apple grow
The summer rain shining on the leaves
Hoping the ladder will hold my weight
One more time
The sharing
The enjoying
That entrances me

Ahhh autumn apple heaven!

Cherish These Years?

This is my ode to the limited memories of grandparents and the limited vision of parents and grandparents, and how they sometimes don't see eye to eye.

Cherish These Years
An Ode to Grandparenthood and Parenthood

Cherish these years!
                   Even the tears?
His innocent face
                   I need private space
Two new front teeth
                   He’s biting me
Such a sweet voice
                   He’s ruined his toys
He’s only a child
                   He’s driving me wild
He’ll grow out of it
                   I doubt it
He’s nearly two
                   I feel old, too
Time goes so fast
                   I wish it would pass
He acts so alive
                   I’m so sleep deprived
Do you feel cooped?
                   Covered in poop
His underwear’s raining
                   Ugh—Potty training
He wants his grandmum
                   Here comes his tantrum
How well he throws
                   What’s that in his nose?
Let’s paint his room taupe
                   I need stronger soap
Let’s give him a tart
                   He’ll tear it apart
Hmph! Back in my day…
                   That’s what they all say

General (Conference) Ramblings #3: The Physician

This is part 3 of 3 General (Conference) Ramblings. Feel free to read parts one and two below if you haven't already done so.

The Physician

Another of the talks, given on Saturday, was by the beloved Joseph Wirthlin, who is getting on in years, to borrow a cliché. The talk he gave was masterful and profound, but the delivery sealed the deal.

While Elder Wirthlin was speaking, the effort was so great for him that his entire body began to shake uncontrollably. As he continued, this became more and more pronounced. In the background, we could see President Eyring shifting nervously, prepared to spring to help at any moment.

Knowing that one of the other leaders of our church was a physician before retiring, I said to my Mom, “You can bet that Elder Nelson is watching his every movement.” Right as I finished this sentence, Elder Nelson appeared silently at Elder Wirthlin’s side and silently put his arm around his waist. His other hand rested on the closer arm, quietly monitoring his health and silently lending support.

As Elder Wirthlin discoursed on the pure love of Christ and the charity we ought to express to one another, Elder Nelson silently set the example. To quote the middle of his talk, “Often the greatest manifestations of love are the simple acts of kindness in caring for those who stand in need.”

Elder Wirthlin set a bold example on how to steadfastly continue during times of trial—any of the men sitting behind him would have gladly finished giving his talk for him, but he continued on in obvious discomfort and possibly distress. Meanwhile, Elder Nelson set an example that we need not sit idly by when we see a fellow man in trouble—we can stand up and lend support, providing strength to those who are trying to just endure life’s craziness.

Thank you to both for sending a strong message regarding how we ought to act as followers of Christ, and not hearers only.

http://www.lds.org/conference/sessions/display/0,5239,49-1-775,00.html

(For reference, lest I be misunderstood: there were dozens of men who would have jumped up to support Elder Wirthlin if Elder Nelson had not. He seemed the right man for the job. I don’t intend the analogy to be taken quite that far…)

General (Conference) Ramblings #2: In the Know?

This is part 2 of 3 General (Conference) Ramblings. Feel free to read part one below if you haven't already done so.

In The Know?
Another speaker, the president of our church’s women’s organization (the Relief Society) spoke about good mothers and the impact they can have on society. While she was speaking, I was mentally making a checklist of all those good things that weren’t getting done in my home.

While listening to her words, I was cleaning up the kitchen and dining room, which had reached new heights (or depths?) of filth. She said, “Mothers who know keep their homes orderly and clean” or something to that effect.

I walked over to the staircase and yelled up to my husband, “This lady is CRAZY!!!” When she was done talking, I burst into tears and decided that there would be several new Prozac prescriptions filled by LDS mothers in the coming weeks. Perhaps mine will be one of them. No, but seriously, folks.

General (Conference) Ramblings #1: Polygamy Backwards?

The following entry is rated PG and is not recommended for young children or others lacking that subtle sense of sarcasm and irony necessary to reading my blog.

Polygamy Backwards
For those who haven’t figured it out yet, I’m Mormon.

Or, more accurately, I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. “Mormon” is just a nickname.

The last two days have been our semi-annual General Conference. This is where the leaders of our church present talks for the general membership of our church to watch (in person, on TV, online or via satellite at the local church), listen to or read later.

One of the speakers mentioned the fact that many uninformed members of the general public still think we are associated with the practice of polygamy. Nope, sorry folks. Nothing to see here. Move along. That was a limited practice that ended a long, long, long time ago.

But it got me thinking.

My guy friends in high school got silly smiles on their faces at the thought of polygamy: a different wife for each of your different “needs.” Spunky or sultry? Blonde or brunette? Tall and thin or short and curvy? I think they imagined it like a cafeteria where you just pick and choose whatever you’re in the mood for that day.

Reality check, boys. It would be a new emotional drama every night. PMS or pregnancy hormones? Depression or anxiety? Money requests for those cute little black shoes or that cute little black dress?

And the kids. Mama mia! I have three children that fill an entire two story home full of noise. To quote the Grinch: “Oh the noise noise noise noise!” Just imagine if you had 30 kids running around, chasing, screaming, taking toys from each other, and needing the poopie diaper changed. No thank you, my friend. And the theory of “all the moms help each other” makes me just think, “How many cooks CAN you fit in the kitchen?”

Of course, if you turn it around, it makes perfect sense. One woman and let’s say five husbands? Much better. Being practical, I’d choose them by profession. A teacher, a lawyer, a businessman, a physician and a computer scientist. The first four are practical—the last one I threw in because I *heart* computer geeks.

Let’s say your kid is getting bullied at school. Well, first he talks to Dad #4 on the phone: the physician, who tells him exactly how to take care of the black eye. Then he calls Dad #2: the lawyer, who starts writing up the preliminary papers to sue the socks off the bully’s parents. Then Dad #3: the businessman, who drives the bully’s parents’ business into the ground. Then Dad #1: the teacher, who explains the important life lessons that can be learned in “times like these.”

And, for good measure, Dad #5: the computer scientist can download information from numerous websites detailing how to handle bullying while simultaneously uploading a virus onto the bully’s computer that will wipe out his term paper and replace it with the words, “I Must Not Be A Bully” 1,000 times.

Okay, maybe that’s overkill.

Come to think of it, the current system seems to work just fine.

Shattering Statistics

A couple weeks ago, my husband was attending a geek fest at Microsoft for work. I was not the only one to wonder if he'd be wooed into submitting a resume at Geek Central. His answer? "Orem's one of the safest cities in the nation. Why would I want to move my kids away from that?"

Hard to fight with logic like that. But was he correct or was that just some rumor we heard from somebody somewhere at some time? About 30 seconds of Googling reveals the answer: a ranking done last year listed Orem as the 12th safest city in the country. I won't even try to go into the details of their statistical methods but there is a bit more info if you click here or you can do a Google search of your own.

Considering the overwhelming statistical proof, we were quite surprised Saturday when our oldest son informed us our garage door was open, and the back of our minivan was gaping open to the world. We rushed down to find all of the compartments of both our cars in disarray. CDs and cash were stolen, but the only thing of value that I am really sad about is an audio book: "Jesus The Christ." Good luck with that one, sweeties. Hope it comes in handy.

Nothing was damaged in the incident except one vital thing: that sense of safety and security that comes with living in an Orem zip code. Once again, reality wins in the fight between the real world and the statistical.

Eating In

We have a very clear set of roles at dinner time.

The Commentator
While the rest of us are trying to eat, Joseph likes to keep up a running dialogue with himself and whoever will reply to him. "Do you know what I think would be cool? What if our table turned into a space ship and we went zooming up into outer space and I was the space guy..." or "Mom, how come oranges are orange? Mom why is this grape juice dark but the other grape juice is light colored? Mom, how many more bites do I have to eat?" or "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA..."

The boy just can't eat quietly. This is the #1 reason I love to go to a restaurant sans children--I can talk. Or not talk. Or just respond politely to occasional inquiries. But yes, I can hear myself think!

The Literary Critic
Thomas likes to disassemble his food, throw half of it on the floor and then make the alphabet with the remaining smeared bits. A week or so ago, he was pushing mashed potatoes around until he cried joyfully, "O! Letter O! See Mom? Letter O!! See Mom? See Mom?" I tried to reply but Joseph was talking too loudly in the background.

Yesterday, while pretending to eating a sandwich, he and Joseph discovered that if you take one bit out of the center of each half of a sandwich and then put the halves back together, there is a letter O missing! It's not exactly the kind of literary discussion I'm looking for, but I'll take what I can get.

The Gastronome
Elijah meanwhile has very strong opinions about his food. And how it is served. And where he sits to enjoy it. And what he is wearing while eating. And who is sitting next to him. And the temperature of the air around him. And the general angle of our city in relation to the sun. And he loves to voice his opinions loudly at dinnertime. (And yes, he can be heard over the other two because he has the loudest voice in the world. Seriously. I should have the Guiness Book of World Records come and test him or something. He'll sing as "well" as his mommy one day.)

Anyhow, 'Lijah just loves to eat. I have to force him to stay upstairs during play time or else he'll sneak down and get into the fridge. (Literally.) He'll pull out any food he can find and try to unwrap it and consume it. Earlier today I found him sitting in front of the fridge trying to unwrap a stick of butter. Gross!

At dinner time, he'll usually refuse the food we give him at first. He'll demand we change it or fix it or do something different to it. I am not one for games at dinnertime while Joseph is talking my ear off and Thomas is dumping his bowl onto the floor. So I just take his food away and keep eating. Then he screams (even louder) that he wants it back. So the food goes back to him and then he eats ravenously until he's done.

The Kitchen Staff
That would be Mom (me) and the Dadster. We are responsible for trying to keep the customers happy. We give up on this before dinner even starts usually, and settle for trying to keep them nourished to some manageable level. Then we hose down the kids and start picking scraps of leftovers off the floor with napkins.

I'd rather have the role of the gastronome, please.

I'll Admit...

I'll admit that I really know little to nothing about real estate. My comments here were sort of a train of thought for friends and family. Now I'm suddenly getting verbally attacked by strangers for my views! I had no idea that strangers would find anything of interest here.

So I thought I'd post to clarify: this is a personal blog for my own fun and to keep those who know me in the loop. I do not profess to be an expert in anything other than my own family. :) Anybody is welcome to read, naturally, and I'm happy for that but please don't expect anything other than the ramblings of a bored stay-at-home mom.

RE the real estate market, there was far too much to discuss in my previous posts so I just discussed a few items I found of interest. But to reply to some of the comments, I'll flesh out my theory just slightly more. I do believe that the Utah market cannot withstand growth at the rate we've seen recently. There is bound to be a leveling out.

I imagine this will happen in the near future because of a chain of events involving difficulty obtaining loans, high foreclosure rates and a nationwide flood of homes on the market. (This is not just a local problem so I think this speaks more to the national state of the real estate market rather than the local only--while recognizing that the two are inextricably connected.)

The huge supply of homes on the market is the most pressing problem I see, and is naturally suppressing price increases. I shopped lot prices in early spring and expected to see them noticeably higher by autumn, but that hasn't been the case. I think there is approximately a 10-month supply of homes on the market? That's a tough seller's market, but I wish I was shopping for a home.

On a personal note, I know that the internet makes people pretty brave--in all the wrong ways. I invite and welcome intelligent discussion on this blog but have a low tolerance for bullying or verbal abuse. Those who leave comments are invited to remember this and please try to express yourself intelligently without putting down myself or others who have commented. Anonymous comments have been disabled.

$5K gift for every newborn?

Hillary Clinton recently toyed with the idea of giving every newborn a $5,000 "baby bond" from the federal government to offset college or home expenses when they get older.

When I first read the article, I thought, "Great! When I have another baby, that would be awesome." Then I thought some more: "What about my other kids who were born a couple years ago?" That cooled my optimism a bit.

Now, to be clear, Clinton was merely toying with the idea and not recommending or proposing it. There is a big difference between thinking aloud and pushing an agenda. But here are my reasons why this idea disappoints me:

(1) There is no guarantee the money will be wisely spent if we're just handing over a bond that can be cashed in after X years. So are we actually paying for the next generation's crack addiction? Or funding the next porn start up? Or a million other things which might be okay but not necessary?

Solution: make it an education account that can only be spent for college expenses. Associated problem with that: if the money has already been distributed and is never used, the government is still in debt with no tangible benefit. Boo to that!

(2) Back in the day, I was not a fan of Bill Clinton but I admired one thing he did VERY VERY much: he pushed for fiscal responsibility. The words "balanced budget" have been replaced by the Dubya Generation with the terms "war spending." A huge boo to that. But that's beside the point. When I thought about Hillary running for office, I thought that maybe one upside to her platform would be more fiscal responsibility. A proposal like this disappoints me because it reeks of increased debt.

Let's do the math. CNN estimated four million children born each year in the USA.

$5,000 x 4,000,000 = $20,000,000,000

That's just an impossibly huge amount of money to spend each year on something that only might be beneficial to a select portion of the population. If you want to put that money into education, put it into those who are seeking education NOW and see if it works. If you want to put the money into helping people get into a home of their own, put that money into the market NOW while the real estate and mortgage markets are so perilous.

I'm sure that after the numbers are run and Hillary thinks it over, this idea will fade into obscurity. If it doesn't, I'll be fascinated to see how she proposes making this attractive or even feasible.

In the meantime, my "confidence level" in that one particular candidate slipped a little today. Which is frightening when my confidence level in most of the candidates is already so low.

Real Estate Revisited (Fun With Excel)

Here is the full report behind the CNN article I discussed in my last blog entry. I found this online at http://www.realtor.org/Research.nsf/files/MSAPRICESF.xls/$FILE/MSAPRICESF.xls. There is another site for me to bookmark and read regularly. Straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak. Here are home values in Salt Lake from 2004 through 2007 Quarter 2 (in thousands of dollars):

Salt Lake City, UT
2004 = 158.0
2005 = 173.9
2006 Quarter 1 = 203.0
2006 Quarter 2 = 191.2
2006 Quarter 3 = 216.3
2006 Quarter 4 = 223.6
2007 Quarter 1 = 218.0
2007 Quarter 2 = 233.1
Total Change 2006 Q2-2007 Q2 = 21.9%

Some interesting observations from the full report:

* In 2004, the median home price nationwide was $195,200. In Utah (the Salt Lake Metro region, but that takes a long time to type, so let me simplify here...) the number was $158,000, a whopping $37k below the national average. Three years later, Utah is a mere $700 below the national average--but STILL below the national average. This supports my theory (expressed at http://www.utahcountymommies.com/) that Utah is not spiraling toward huge home drops, but merely catching up with the rest of the nation.

A good point was brought up, however, concerning wages. Have Utah wages risen in a commensurate manner? The answer is confusing because (a) we don't know the size of homes being sold in the above info. The prices could have risen from actual price inflation, or merely because more luxury homes were on the market. We don't have the information to sort that out. So before we jump to conclusions, let's remember: we can't jump to conclusions. :-D

I wonder if anybody has information available to the public that states what the same home would sell for in the two different periods? Hmm.

* Is Utah "overpriced"? Well, by definition I have to say no because that is simple economics: if people are willing to pay the price, then it's the right price. Supply and Demand. This isn't like an oil cartel where the average person has little control over prices, so the market is free to adjust as needed. Again, I'm oversimplifying and I realize that, but it's still a valid consideration if nothing else.

One other factor in favor of Utah being reasonably priced is how we stack up with nationwide home prices. While we have enjoyed huge gains in recent years, we are relatively similarly priced with other markets. I put together a little chart to demonstrate. You can view it at http://www.geekuniverse.org/medianprices.pdf. Utah is #45 (of 149) on this chart with a median value of $233K. So we're in the top third, yes, but things are pretty level on the bottom half. I need a statistician to figure out the standard deviations!

* I expected to see home prices plunging in the most bloated markets, with prices gaining in underpriced markets. Now, obviously, there are a lot of factors that could be considered, but something jumped out at me: there is no correlation at all. The top 11 markets in the nation actually continued to gain value during the previous year! Still rising! Let's look at #1, San Jose-Sunnyvale-Santa Clara, CA (five of the top six are in sunny CA):

San Jose-Sunnyvale-Santa Clara, CA
2004: 698.5
2005: 744.5
2006 Q1: 775.0
2006 Q2: 795.0
2006 Q3: 779.0
2006 Q4: 760.0
2007 Q1: 788.0
2007 Q2: 865.0
% change 2006 Q2 - 2007 Q2: 8.8%

Overall change 2004-2007: close to 25% without a single drop.

The metro area with the steepest drop in home values was also the cheapest home segment in the nation: Elmira, NY:

Elmira, NY
2004: 78.8
2005: 77.1
2006 Q1: 86.8
2006 Q2: 87.3
2006 Q3: 93.6
2006 Q4: 78.4
2007 Q1: 75.3
2007 Q2: 71.7
% change 2006 Q2 - 2007 Q2: -17.9%

* Home prices have risen in Utah (on average) $75,100 between 2004 and the middle of 2007. This is a 47% increase from the original price in a relatively short time. How does this compare to other parts of the nation? The top 10 cities in the nation gaining value from 2004 to 2007 Q2 (total) are:

56.58% Boise City-Nampa, ID
56.31% Phoenix-Mesa-Scottsdale, AZ
56.30% Orlando, FL
55.22% Ocala, FL
53.86% Virginia Beach-Norfolk-Newport News, VA-NC
53.85% Spokane, WA
50.34% Cumberland, MD-WV
50.00% Farmington, NM
47.53% Salt Lake City, UT
47.41% Salem, OR

To summarize: The deeper you dig, the deeper you want to dig. More on this later?

Real Estate News

I'm kind of a real estate junkie. I'm not sure why, but it's in my blood.

I regularly visit several geeky real estate websites. These are my favorites:
http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/mortgages/mortgage_update.asp
http://www.boxhomeloans.com/
http://www.utahrealestate.com/ (I wish every state had a free MLS search like Utah does. In other places, you actually have to work through a realtor.)
http://money.cnn.com/?cnn=yes

My brother is a home builder and I love to go talk shop with him. Travertine, marble and custom cabinetry never cease to tantalize me.

I love driving around my valley, getting a feel for the neighborhoods and business sectors. I could have told you eight years ago which neighborhoods would have sharp increases in value. And I would have been right, because I fingered all the developments that are hot now and were vacant no-mans land then. If only I had the cash to put my money where my mouth is. That's essentially what my brother does full-time and he is amazingly successful at it. Like I said, it runs in the blood.

Two or three years ago I asked my brother if he was worried about the "bubble" that was then threatening to burst. He shrugged it off and gave me two solid reasons why he wasn't concerned about the market here in Utah:

1. Home prices in Utah were rising more gradually than places like Phoenix, Las Vegas and numerous west coast metropolises. Places that spiked quickly were ripening for trouble.

2. Because prices were spiking in other locations, people were being drawn to a place like Utah where you could still get a lot of bang for your buck. Hence a steady influx of people moving out of sunny Phoenix and California to a place where they could afford a home of their own. By his logic, the higher prices rose in other markets, the more stable the Utah economy would continue to be.

I talked this theory over with a realtor friend and he concurred that the "bubble" rising nationwide would not affect us here in Utah. That was before the figurative bubble burst. Now most people know that home prices are "regulating" in those areas where they rose so dramatically a few years back. It's in the news all the time. And if you haven't noticed, I wonder: have you had your head in the sand?

So what has happened in Utah after all the speculating? Several interesting things from the last 12 months, but I'll just post the most recent one. CNN reported today that prices have dropped nationwide in 52 major markets. (Comparing the three months ending June 30th, 2007 with the same period 12 months prior, if I read correctly?) The article then lists the percentage change and median home price in 149 different markets.

If you click on the "% change" column, you'll find some good news for Utahns. It looks like this:

Metropolitcan Area Median Price % Change
Salt Lake City, UT $233,100 21.9%
Binghamton, NY $111,200 19.8%
Salem, OR $227,900 16.7%
Farmington, NM $201,900 14.0%
Allentown-Bethlehem-Easton, PA-NJ $274,500 12.8%
*snip*

What it means is that Salt Lake City is reporting the HIGHEST home value GAIN in the nation. Earlier this year, we were predicted by the same source to make one of the highest increases in the nation and I celebrated. Now it appears that the good news keeps rolling in.

If you want to make this practical, let me put it in simple terms. If you bought a home one year ago for $100,000, then it would sell now (theoretically speaking) for $121,900. And if you were wavering a year ago but chose to continue renting, you're now $21,900 farther from that $100K condo you were looking at.

The news gets better and better for homeowners (and worse and worse for renters) the higher the stakes. If you owned a home worth half a million, you've just added a smooth $100K to your home's value by simply living in it another year. Nice. (I'll have to blog another day about whether or not we should worry about a late-onset "bubble"' in Utah?)

People so often worry about the expenses of buying a home that they worry themselves into putting off home ownership. But if you look at the whole picture, can you afford not to buy a home with prices ever rising? That is obviously an over-simplification but it's also reality to a lot of people. Mull it over and tell me what you think.

Howdy, Sugar!

It's hard to be mad at a face that sweet. And hands that sweet. And pajamas that sweet.

And when I say sweet, I mean it literally. Honey and chocolate chips yesterday. Today Brown Sugar.

*sigh*

You'd think I'd have learned my lesson yesterday and not let him out of my sight, but cut me a little slack. No mother can keep an eagle eye on three boys simultaneously 24/7.

Oh well. At least I got a "sweet" picture out of the deal.

Hi, Honey!

Here's a multiple choice question to get your brain working.

Which of the following things have happened within the last 60 minutes here at the author's home?

(a) youngest child decided to drizzle a long, twisting, sinuous line of honey all through the kitchen and dining room

(b) youngest child went to the first of several time outs due to above behavior

(c) author realized that scrubbing the floor by hand and then mopping is NOT sufficient to remove the sticky residue as she realizes her socks are sticking to the floor

(d) three peanut butter sandwiches are made while oldest child demands chocolate chips in his sandwich. author gives in.

(e) oldest child, sugared up on chocolate, decides to eat his sandwich sitting on top of the sticky counter

(f) youngest child (now released from time out) throws tantrum about his sandwich, refusing to eat, then throws a tantrum that the sandwich was taken away and eats voraciously after said sandwich is returned

(g) middle child (bless his heart--hasn't done anything reportable at this point!) sits in his chair quietly eating, only mild fussing about the choice of lunch fare

(h) youngest child decides this is the time to make a messy diaper, seeing as mom isn't busy enough with mopping, demanding 5-yr-olds and preparing everyone to get in the car to deliver oldest child to kindergarten

(i) youngest child does NOT obey the order to stay on the toilet until mom returns with wipes for his bottom

(j) author becomes truly poetic with the first of several, "Are you freakin' kidding me?!?!?"s

(h) youngest child decides he will NOT sit in his highchair and finish his lunch quietly and is sent to the next of his timeouts so mom can actually finish feeding the other two. author is heard to say uncharitably, "i do NOT have time for your temper tantrums now, boy!"

(i) oldest child demands another sandwich plus a myriad of other food with exactly four minutes until time to go to kindergarten. author sighs.

(j) author mops the floor a second time and does not care if the floor is still sticky. tough luck.

(k) author decides it's time to get in the car for kindergarten, unceremoniously ending lunch time and releasing youngest child from time out. author looks around for kindergartener's backpack but it can't be found.

(l) oldest child remembers where his backpack is... bless his heart...

(m) oldest child argues that he's old enough to walk to school alone, and doesn't seem to understand or grasp the concept of the word "no"

(n) drop off is successful and mom starts to look forward to three hours of relatively quiet peace

(o) upon returning to the house, author and two younger children have been in the home approximately three milliseconds before middle child decides it's time to join the action and dumps an entire bag of chocolate chips on the floor which mom just cleaned. author isn't convinced the floor is clean enough to eat off yet and the entire bag is dumped into the garbage while the twins spend a little more "quality time" in their bedroom in the last of the time outs.

(p) twins are removed screaming in temper tantrums from their room and ordered upstairs where they can't make such dramatic messes. as it becomes apparent they have ideas of their own, author scoops them up and carries them (for a combined weight of approximately 60+ pounds) up the long flight of stairs while they scream loudly because child A wants to play with the toy child B is holding and child B has just dropped on the floor making it unavailable to either of them. mom thinks the term "tough luck" once again in her none-too-patient mind

(q) author decides this is a moment worth blogging about and dumps the kids on the floor to turn on the computer.

(r) youngest child decides to continue his perpetuatantrum by rolling across the floor into the other room, then crying something about his "bingers" (translation: fingers) which author can find nothing wrong with

(s) middle child decides he doesn't want to watch THAT annoying video that mom has just turned on. He wants the REALLY annoying one that mom can't stand. mom isn't in the mood to negotiate.

(t) youngest child continues tantrum until point (s) above when he becomes entranced by the annoying little video which is apparently not so bad after all.

(u) author decides she really does love her children as youngest child gives mom a hug before starting a new tantrum--despite the sarcastic tone she employed while quickly and loudly (to drown out the screaming) saying the lunch prayer.

ANSWER:

If you guessed all of the above, you win! Youngest child is still screaming. That boy knows how to be patient when it comes to a temper tantrum. I've seen him cry for over 30 minutes in a row over trivial items in the past. Just a phase? I don't know. I'm tired and I don't want to think about it.

Did I mention I'm sick today and I'd rather just be in bed with some tylenol and benadryl running through my system? Oh and when do *I* get to eat lunch?

If anybody uses the phrase "best job in the world" in the next 24 hours, they better duck.

Congratulations, it's a perfect baby ball!

A conversation I had with my five-year-old a few minutes ago:

“Mom, would you love me if I was a ball?”

“Yes, I’d always love you, even if you were a ball.”

“Mom, what if one of these other balls was a part of our family?”

“Then I’d love that ball, too.”

“Okay, Mom, would you love this ball if he was a part of our family and his name was Frank?”

“Sure, Joseph.”

“Okay, then, here you go. Love him. Frank.”

An Observation

The only practical purpose of the phrase "no offense, but..." is to forewarn the listener that they are about to be insulted.

Quotes from "The Book Thief"

Some of my favorite quotes from the first few chapters of "The Book Thief":

This is the entire first page (plus a little bit more):

First the colors.
Then the humans.
That's usually how I see things.
Or at least, how I try.

***HERE IS A SMALL FACT***

You are going to die.

I am in all truthfulness attempting to be cheerful about this whole topic, though most people find themselves hindered in believing me, no matter my protestations. Please, trust me. I most definitely can be cheerful. I can be amiable. Agreeable. Affable. And that's only the A's. Just don't ask me to be nice. Nice has nothing to do with me.

***REACTION TO THE AFOREMENTIONED FACT***

Does this worry you?

I urge you--don't be afraid.

I'm nothing if not fair.

--Of course, an introduction.
A beginning.
Where are my manners?
I could introduce myself properly, but it's not really necessary. You will know me well enough and soon enough, depending on a diverse range of variables. It suffices to say that at some point in time, I will be standing over you, as genially as possible. Your soul will be in my arms. A color will be perched on your shoulder. I will carry you gently away.

Two pages later:

White is without a question a color, and personally, I don't think you want to argue with me.

***A REASSURING ANNOUNCEMENT***

Please, be calm, despite that previous threat.

I am all bluster--I am not violent.

I am not malicious.

I am a result.

And one of my favorites:

***A TRANSLATION***

Himmel = Heaven

Whoever named Himmel Street certainly had a healthy sense of irony. Not that it was a living hell. It wasn't. But it sure as hell wasn't heaven, either.

Site Address

To all my loyal devoted reader(s?):

You can now access my blog two ways: using this same address (http://jhm2.blogspot.com) or going directly to http://blog.geekuniverse.org. This change is phase one of actually doing something with my domain name other than hosting files conveniently.

The new site (eventually) will host the blog, our photo gallery (now at http://www.geekuniverse.org/gallery/main.php) and miscellaneous geeky this-and-thats.

Crying for Rudy Steiner

Books, words, images. These are the themes of the novel I just finished reading: "The Book Thief." The backdrop? World War II. The eyes we see through for the journey? Death.

There are two books which have utterly torn my soul into two pieces and left me a new person. The first was "Where Angels Fear to Tread" by E.M. Forster. The second was "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak.

Read it. Now. Don't wait for the library hold list like I did for months. Buy it. Read it. Enjoy. Tell me what you thought.

Very Important Message

I have relatives (who shall remain unnamed) who regularly send me emails on subjects which they feel are very important: the latest bill that congress is about to pass which will endanger the free world as we know it, horrible computer viruses which are going to create a second ice age, etc. Not that there aren't real causes for concern in the world; I just don't believe that most legitimate concerns are discussed and resolved in the realm of spamlike, extremist, panic-inducing emails.

Those petition ones really get me the most. Let's say person A sends an email to B, C and D asking them to sign their name at the bottom and then forward on. Logic goes, eventually this petition will make its way all around the internet and end up on some ashamed congressman's desk who will immediately storm into the capital demanding change.

First email sig line:
A
After the friends each sign:
A, B
A, C
and
A, D

Already we have a discrepancy on our hands! The three friends never signed the same "petition!" Then it just gets worse:

A, B, E
A, B, F
A, B, G
A, C, H
A, C, I
A, C, J
A, D, K
A, D, L
A, D, L

Imagine how convoluted this would be after it's been forwarded 10 times. Or 100. Or 1000. And it will just keep getting forwarded forever, annoying innocent people like ME.

So I'm begging you. Please. If you have my email address, use with caution. Do not forward me "petitions" to send on to congress. I will delete so fast the computer won't know what hit it. Do not warm me about the latest virus which I must not open(!!!!!!!). Do not ask me to send money to a family or government or corporation in need. I will not do so. I will send my charity dollars to places that I have researched on my own and really believe in.

If you want to send me something humorous, send it on! Something inspirational? As long as it isn't Bush-loving, "patriotic," rest-of-the-world hating, right-extremist inspiration, send it on! Here's a perfect example of what you SHOULD send to me. It is the inspiration for this blog entry. Enjoy:

http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf

(Thanks, Elle, for the link!)

P.W. Seared Pot Roast

I assure you that the P.W. in the title does not stand for a small child’s disgusted cry of “Peeeyoo!”

If you think it might stand for “Proven Winner” you’re also wrong.

If you guessed “Prize Winning” you’re getting closer! But only because somebody will give me some sarcastic Darwin-esque award when they’re done reading this blog entry.

I think I have a good track record of making mouth-watering pot roasts in the past. Today I decided to try something a little different. My Mom said she always takes them straight from the freezer, sears them a bit on each side to keep in the juices and lets them cook a little longer than usual. I thought, “Why not?” The Why Not was occasioned in part by the fact that I had no fresh meat to satisfy my inner carnivore.

I warmed up the stove (a lot, as it turns out, because I got distracted by the twins needing something) then unwrapped the pot roast. It looked a little shiny and icy on the outside, but otherwise quite cookable. I put a little oil in the pan, browned two sides of the pot roast and then turned it down to cook with some nice seasonings and water.

When I got home from church a couple hours later, I had the following conversation with my husband (who had stayed home with the sick twins):

Husband Man (laughing): I took the plastic wrap off your pot roast.

Me (blinking and furrowing my eyebrows): P—P—Plastic wrap?

Husband: Yeah. The whole roast was wrapped in plastic wrap.

Me (more blinking and furrowing): But, I didn’t…. I seared… It browned…

Husband (paling): You SEARED it?

Me: Seared.

Turns out the Society for Kindness to Plastic Wrap need not be too worried because the plastic wrap came through without any injuries. I’m not quite sure what physics were involved with the heat and the sizzling and browning of the meat and seeming lack of change in the plastic wrap.

So now you know what my special “P.W. Seared Pot Roast” is: Plastic Wrap-seared Pot Roast. I swear I had no way of knowing it was all covered in plastic wrap. I didn’t see the butcher wrapping it. And when I unwrapped it, it looked like a nice, solid sheen of ice on top but otherwise completely unnoticeable. Oh well. Perhaps it’ll turn out better this way and I’ll start preparing it this way every time. (Anxiety of carcinogens and plastic chemicals aside…)