Hi, Honey!

Here's a multiple choice question to get your brain working.

Which of the following things have happened within the last 60 minutes here at the author's home?

(a) youngest child decided to drizzle a long, twisting, sinuous line of honey all through the kitchen and dining room

(b) youngest child went to the first of several time outs due to above behavior

(c) author realized that scrubbing the floor by hand and then mopping is NOT sufficient to remove the sticky residue as she realizes her socks are sticking to the floor

(d) three peanut butter sandwiches are made while oldest child demands chocolate chips in his sandwich. author gives in.

(e) oldest child, sugared up on chocolate, decides to eat his sandwich sitting on top of the sticky counter

(f) youngest child (now released from time out) throws tantrum about his sandwich, refusing to eat, then throws a tantrum that the sandwich was taken away and eats voraciously after said sandwich is returned

(g) middle child (bless his heart--hasn't done anything reportable at this point!) sits in his chair quietly eating, only mild fussing about the choice of lunch fare

(h) youngest child decides this is the time to make a messy diaper, seeing as mom isn't busy enough with mopping, demanding 5-yr-olds and preparing everyone to get in the car to deliver oldest child to kindergarten

(i) youngest child does NOT obey the order to stay on the toilet until mom returns with wipes for his bottom

(j) author becomes truly poetic with the first of several, "Are you freakin' kidding me?!?!?"s

(h) youngest child decides he will NOT sit in his highchair and finish his lunch quietly and is sent to the next of his timeouts so mom can actually finish feeding the other two. author is heard to say uncharitably, "i do NOT have time for your temper tantrums now, boy!"

(i) oldest child demands another sandwich plus a myriad of other food with exactly four minutes until time to go to kindergarten. author sighs.

(j) author mops the floor a second time and does not care if the floor is still sticky. tough luck.

(k) author decides it's time to get in the car for kindergarten, unceremoniously ending lunch time and releasing youngest child from time out. author looks around for kindergartener's backpack but it can't be found.

(l) oldest child remembers where his backpack is... bless his heart...

(m) oldest child argues that he's old enough to walk to school alone, and doesn't seem to understand or grasp the concept of the word "no"

(n) drop off is successful and mom starts to look forward to three hours of relatively quiet peace

(o) upon returning to the house, author and two younger children have been in the home approximately three milliseconds before middle child decides it's time to join the action and dumps an entire bag of chocolate chips on the floor which mom just cleaned. author isn't convinced the floor is clean enough to eat off yet and the entire bag is dumped into the garbage while the twins spend a little more "quality time" in their bedroom in the last of the time outs.

(p) twins are removed screaming in temper tantrums from their room and ordered upstairs where they can't make such dramatic messes. as it becomes apparent they have ideas of their own, author scoops them up and carries them (for a combined weight of approximately 60+ pounds) up the long flight of stairs while they scream loudly because child A wants to play with the toy child B is holding and child B has just dropped on the floor making it unavailable to either of them. mom thinks the term "tough luck" once again in her none-too-patient mind

(q) author decides this is a moment worth blogging about and dumps the kids on the floor to turn on the computer.

(r) youngest child decides to continue his perpetuatantrum by rolling across the floor into the other room, then crying something about his "bingers" (translation: fingers) which author can find nothing wrong with

(s) middle child decides he doesn't want to watch THAT annoying video that mom has just turned on. He wants the REALLY annoying one that mom can't stand. mom isn't in the mood to negotiate.

(t) youngest child continues tantrum until point (s) above when he becomes entranced by the annoying little video which is apparently not so bad after all.

(u) author decides she really does love her children as youngest child gives mom a hug before starting a new tantrum--despite the sarcastic tone she employed while quickly and loudly (to drown out the screaming) saying the lunch prayer.

ANSWER:

If you guessed all of the above, you win! Youngest child is still screaming. That boy knows how to be patient when it comes to a temper tantrum. I've seen him cry for over 30 minutes in a row over trivial items in the past. Just a phase? I don't know. I'm tired and I don't want to think about it.

Did I mention I'm sick today and I'd rather just be in bed with some tylenol and benadryl running through my system? Oh and when do *I* get to eat lunch?

If anybody uses the phrase "best job in the world" in the next 24 hours, they better duck.