All shades of drama/trauma at my house tonight when our eight-year-old had a total meltdown. He's so sensitive. So fragile. So tender. Life just breaks him down so easily and he cracks into a million pieces.
Everything turned out well for the little guy eventually with renewed self-esteem and hope for the future.
...and yet...
I noticed something slightly alarming.
In his big, big heart, he exclaimed, "I wish I could just give the whole world something!" He also bemoaned how sad it is that there is war in the world and he wish he could make it all go away. This kid really feels like he has the whole world on his shoulders. All the pain hurts him personally. And he wants to make everything all better.
...which kinda reminds me...
Being co-dependent is kinda something he's been surrounded by his whole life, and I am starting to worry that he's looking outward for validation, rather than inward. We had a huge talk about self-worth and how it never changes even if we get a little banged up and bruised. (Thanks, Studio 5, for the great segment about that!) And the next thing he talks about is ... serving other people. Which is cool. It's great. He has a huge heart. But the goal of our conversation was to get him looking inward at the amazing person he is, not looking outward to ways he can get that validation from other people.
How do you tell your little guy that if he doesn't start looking out for #1, he'll never be able to serve other people? How do you tell him that he's got to be more self-reliant without becoming more selfish? That he needs a better sense of self-preservation? That he can't depend on serving other people to create an identity for himself? All that without turning him into a narcissistic little toad?
Seems like such a "cute" little problem, doesn't it? It's not as harmless and endearing as it sounds, though, and it breaks my heart. I need this little guy to look inside and love what he sees instead of trying to see his worth reflected from other people's opinion of him.
Ack. It gets complicated. Quickly.
Service: thumbs up! Hooray!
Co-dependent loss of self while trying to control other people through seemingly-innocent acts of service: Boo! No!
It was probably in my mind. The kid just has a huge heart. But I fret and want to make sure that heart doesn't get broken. My head hurts. Time for bed. I'll make sense of this morning.*
* Forget about all this during the rush of getting kids to school and driving the carpool, only to remember it next time there is a self-esteem meltdown.
The only true source of self-esteem is a strong relationship with his Savior. If he can look at pictures of Christ and remember that no matter what he does, Jesus loves him, then he'll be miles ahead of most people!
ReplyDeleteAw, the poor guy. I hope he can begins to feel his own worth.
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