Dreams

I dreamt that I was in the car with my Mom and somebody else who I can't remember--it was an ex-husband of somebody I know and I just remember feeling like he was creepy. We were on our way to Salt Lake and hadn't made it to the freeway when I remembered I'm on bed rest and shouldn't be going anywhere. I expressed this concern to my Mom, who disregarded it and told me she had to run some other errands while we were there.

I realized this would require considerable walking and demanded in a fit of passion that she stop the vehicle and let me out of the car. She refused, so I waited until a red light and hopped out the door. Realizing that walking up the long hill we were at was equally bad for my blood pressure, I proceeded to go up the street anyway until I came to a hospital.

I went in and found a phone outside labor and delivery. I called my in-laws and regretfully told them the story, feeling guilty about putting my Mom in such a negative light. They agreed to come pick me up. A nurse then came out and asked what was going on, so I told her my story. She walked away and then came back a few minutes later with a dressing gown, telling me they were going to admit me. I argued with her and she explained all the reasons why I ought to be seen.

That somehow fizzled out, however, and I found myself wandering down the hall, which was filled with children. There was some activity going on, because women were in all the rooms doing fun activities and handing out cookies to people who walked past. I thankfully ate a cookie, watching all the children around me. Eventually, my mother-in-law found me and I realized I had forgotten that she was coming at all.

The dream changed and I as entered her car, my Mother was driving again. She shush'd me and took me to her house, where they had planned a surprise baby shower. Only about five people had shown up and I felt guilty that they had planned a baby shower for my baby girl that nobody wanted to attend. It was awkward, especially realizing that my Mom's earlier shenanigans had been some prelude to trying to surprise me with this party. The dream ended. Thankfully.

I wonder why I remember some dreams. This one was so strange, but realistic, that I felt there is something I haven't figured out here. Something to do with my fears and anxieties. My insecurities. I wondered what Freud would make of it. Then I wondered what my brother-in-law, the psychologist, would make of it.

A few hours later, I was sitting here at my spot on the couch watching "Music and the Spoken Word." I was thinking about how cluttered my house was and had one of those thoughts of, "How would I feel if the Savior walked in and saw me like this?" I thought about Mary and Martha and realized I would just listen. My house is what it is right now through nobody's fault.

Then, in my imagination, I was asking Him what I need to be doing. Asking for direction. Guide me.

He told me I already know what my sins and weaknesses are and I should work on those.

This was all my imagination--nothing more at all--but I was surprised at how quickly that list of sins and weaknesses came to mind. I realized that I don't need visitations or dreams or anything else to remind me of the direction my life needs to be heading. It's all right here, ready to be understood, as soon as I open my mind and close my pride.