Out with the old

My 2007 and 2008 New Year's Resolutions were fabulously successful. They really impacted my life in a way that I never expected. I always thought about New Year's Resolutions as the kind of thing you commit to working harder on, knowing that you'll never stick with it. Things like weight loss or keeping the house immaculate. I mean, if the obvious rewards like not dying of heart disease or having clothing to wear regularly didn't inspire you to action, why would you be inspired by the numbers at the top of your calendar changing?

Two years ago, I was overwhelmed with life. I was deeply unhappy and dissatisfied with the direction I was headed. So I resolved in 2007 to stop saying, "I can't" and start saying, "How can I make it happen?" I found power I didn't know I had. This year, I resolved to learn how to love myself and like myself. I have discovered a new zest for life that took me by surprise.

For 2009, I have resolved to create joy in my life. I won't wait for it. I won't hope for a happy future. I won't feel helpless to be happy in the here and now, whatever my trials and challenges are. I will take charge of my life and carve out happiness for myself.

This year's goal may be the hardest one yet, because I'm so accustomed to being defined by my circumstances. When you're a stay-at-home Mom with two newborns in the house, you really are defined in a lot of ways by your limitations. There are just a lot of things that are not possible in your life anymore. I'm used to stealing happy moments when I can, not actively seeking them out or planning for them. This will require a complete mental reboot for me. If I can pull it off, this will be, hands down, the best year of my life.

It seems to me that joy isn't a result of your circumstances. It is a result of looking at life with gratitude and a happy heart. It's an attitude. However, having freedom to get out of the house will help. The children are old enough that they can care for themselves a little more than they used to. They're in preschool a few hours a week. They're also slightly easier to reason with than they were when they were newborns. So if I want to exercise, I think I can reason with them to not burn the house down while I'm using the elliptical. (Of course, this is all just theory still. We'll have to see how it pans out.) 

They're old enough to go to the bathroom on their own, however unwilling they are to admit that or act on it. They're old enough to understand that when they're put to bed at night, Mother would appreciate it if they didn't eat the drywall instead of sleeping. (I have sworn that I will not even consider getting pregnant again until the children go to bed at night without jumping up and arguing with me. This day has yet to come. Will it ever come for Thomas? Somebody please tell me yes.)

I have to admit I feel a bit frightened about the idea of trying to take charge of my life instead of being blown about by the winds of chance. I need to put up the collar of my coat and head straight into the wind instead, walking forward with the wind burning my cheeks. If I don't walk the line, who knows where I'll end up in life? (Walk the line 2009!)

The benefits of having one major goal are plentiful. However, a few minor goals never hurt anything. I allowed myself one minor goal for 2008: getting my writing published (for money). I accomplished that goal early in the year, thanks to a friend who was starting a new magazine. It wasn't much but it counted. This year, I have a few eensy weensy goals that I'm allowing myself: lose 50 pounds, do the laundry five times a week, clean one bathroom almost every day, exercise six times a week, plan out every meal in advance, read my scriptures every day, never miss a family home evening and get to church on time (9 a.m.) every single Sunday.

That's not asking too much for someone who is determined to take charge of life ... is it? If you're reading this, I want to know what your New Year's Resolution is. How are you going to change your life in 2009?