A Fiscal Rant

Every time I go over my budget, I feel this grand sense of guilt for how much I spend. Let me clarify: I am very fiscally conservative and I have certain principles of tightwaddery perfected. When I feel guilty about how much I spend, I battle with myself. One side of me says, "What do you feel guilty about? Buying groceries and clothing for your children? Sheesh. Lighten up." The other side of me says, "You could save a lot by making homemade bread and tortillas. Why don't you make homemade chili and take advantage of a vegetable garden?" I battle it out with myself and end up frustrated and anxious about it.

This is ridiculous. My husband has a good job and we are not lacking anything we need. That's not my frustration. My frustration is that I feel like I should be saving more, spending less and remembering how slim my family had things growing up. Why can't I resist the siren call of living at a nicer lifestyle just because I'm not poor? I have the pioneer genetics hardwired into my brain so extensively that no surgeon or psychologist could disentangle them.

As a child, we had one old and pathetic television and the word "cable" was not spoken out loud. We wore hand-me-downs and sometimes bought things at DI. We shopped clearance sales and fashion was never a consideration. If it fit and we could afford it, that was all that mattered. And we were happy. We laughed and were a family and didn't need expensive things. I never, ever felt a sensation of missing out on life.

Joseph's 2008 Christmas letter to Santa reads, "Dear Santa, I want an electric guitar, ipod, idog, 4wheeler, xbox 360, 60 free bowling coupons, From Joseph." (sic sic and double sic on all that)

Who is this child? Need I assure you that Joseph will be very disappointed on Christmas morning when he opens up the huge LEGO set that my family would have drooled over as children? There will undoubtedly be whining about not receiving 4 wheelers and video game consoles. They are constantly begging us for ridiculous things that no child in the world needs. I never realized that "keeping up with the Joneses" started at such a young age.

I can't stand the fact that my children have a sense of entitlement hard wired instead of inherent gratitude for what they have. It makes me want to sell my nice house and move into a tiny house with broken plumbing and only one bathroom for a while to help my children build a little character.

Okay, now I'm rambling and ranting. My apologies.

But really, I'm irritated with money. I know firsthand how stressful life is when you don't have enough money, but I'm starting to see the other side of the equation. I'm starting to understand that when you aren't poor, people expect things from you that you aren't able to give. People make critical comments when I exercise fiscal responsibility, because they think we're "rich" (by which they really mean "richer than they are.") I am pressured by my family to spend more and save less, even though we have a balanced budget with far less than I'd like going into savings.

So I did some math today, trying to figure out why our lifestyle seems to be about the same as it was a few years ago, but my husband is earning a better salary. That doesn't add up! What I discovered is that Uncle Sam and Ye Olde Health Insurance Company have their hands very deep into our pockets. They apparently think they're entitled to some of our gain. And by "some" I mean "most." Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating but when I totaled it up, I felt like I'd been punched in the gut.

I called and told my husband my findings and he made some comments (in what seemed a very smug voice) about my political leanings and how they affected our personal finance. I reminded him that I do not agree with democratic financial policies and never have, but have equally serious concerns about the republican party. Which is why I remain proudly unaffiliated. Josh then seemed to recall the Republican fiscally irresponsible policy of "spend, spend, spend, spend, spend... oops, is that a federal deficit reaching near infinity?" and our brief political musings came to an end.

To summarize: our taxes and paycheck deductions exceed the total income of somebody in our extended family. And I'm not bitter about paying taxes. I would happily pay more if I felt like our government was serious about balancing the budget and ridding our country of the debt that presses us down. What I resent is being forced to pay social security and medicare taxes, which I doubt will actually benefit me in retirement.

Some people liken the democratic notion of taxing the wealthy to support the poor "socialistic." I call it "the Robin Hood" approach. "Taking from the rich to give to the poor." The only trouble is that the Robin Hood story likes to portray the "wealthy" as greedy, grabbing, evil people and the poor as humble victims of circumstance. In real life, Robin Hood would be a democrat and politician. And he'd be hated by the middle class and called a socialist.

If I seem to be contradicting myself or making little sense, all is well. Every person has conflicting emotions and contradictory beliefs on occasion. They cause stress. And ranting and raving on a blog is an excellent way to relieve stress.

It's been a long time since I let loose with a rambling, ranting blog post. It feels good, but I should remember that nobody likes rambling, ranting blog posts. Except Sandra, who asks me to post them more often. Sandra, this blog post is just for you. I know you can feel my pain.