Mid-Night Crisis of Social Anxiety vs. Conscience

When we first moved into our current home, we met all of the new neighbors. Since then, we've had little opportunity to socialize with anybody except those we see at church. Unfortunately we've fallen a bit out of contact with our other neighbors.

One of the first families we met was a family with a boy Joseph's age, Javier. Great family and very sweet boy, but things just never materialized into more than a passing acquaintance. I wasn't even sure if the family still lived in the house when Joseph's 1st grade class list was posted and I saw the name "Javier" on the list.

I wondered, and a week or so into class, my suspicion was confirmed. Joseph came home one day and announced in amazement that his new friend, Javier, only lived a few houses away from us! In fact, he lives inside Joseph's "boundaries" of where he can play unsupervised. He was thrilled.

Since then, Joseph and Javier have gotten together to play several times and have had a world of fun. I've always like Javier's mother and found her very easy to talk with. I'm so grateful that Joseph has made a new friend--especially one that lives so close by! It has been particularly hard for Joseph to make lasting friendships and he has been bullied quite a bit in the last few years. Anybody who treats Joseph kindly is #1 in my book.

And then tonight happened. You can imagine the panic I felt when I saw an ambulance racing through my neighborhood, followed closely by a fire truck. They stopped calmly ... in front of Javier's house.

Before I go on, I should confess one thing. I'm a crybaby. I regularly cry when I see an ambulance racing through the streets with lights on. And that's when I don't have any idea who is in trouble. I also cry when I watch "The Apprentice" or "The Biggest Loser" so that's just how I am. I cry easily. (You gotta problem with that?!?!)

So I felt very emotional suddenly when I saw these emergency vehicles stopping in front of Joseph's new friend's home. I thought about the fact that this family probably doesn't have a lot of close friends in this neighborhood because the LDS families so naturally connect together at church and build close bonds there.

The situation down the street looked relatively calm--the sirens weren't on and the fire fighters were entering the home slowly and methodically. No rushing water, no EMTs carrying stretchers. But let's be honest: an ambulance and a fire truck strike a certain level of dread into any heart, no matter how calmly they're going about their business.

So the crisis internally began. This is played out by two different Julianas, whom we'll title "Socially Anxious Juliana" (SA) and "I Have a Conscience Juliana" (IHaC).

IHaC: Look! Your neighbor is in trouble. Go offer help!

SA: Are you crazy!?!? I'd just be in the way.

IHaC: They don't know many people. They might need a friend.

SA: I said you're crazy. What will the neighbors think? I don't want to look like a rubber necker.

IHaC: It could be Javier in trouble.

SA: Hmmm...

IHaC: If not, he's probably pretty freaked out. He might want a safe place to come and chill while the fire fighters do their thing.

SA: Hmmm....

IHaC: Come on.

SA: But... the walk down there... the neighbors will all see... Plus, I might get in the way of the fire fighters! They'll hate me for interfering.

IHaC: Okay, we'll compromise. Just walk down there and let your neighbors think you're a nosy busy body. You know better than that. If Javier's Mom or Dad is outside, then you can ask if they need help. If there's nobody outside, you can just walk home.

SA: Fair enough. It's just that...

IHaC: MOVE IT!

SA: Fine.. sheesh..

So I started the dreaded walk. You have no idea how difficult this walk was, knowing that all my neighbors were peeking out their windows to watch this drama play out. I didn't want to be part of the drama! I didn't want to be a rubber necker. I just wanted to reach out and try to repay them for some of the kindness they've shown us.

So I walked and walked. There was somebody standing in the shadows. Yea! I got within one house and I realized it was a fire fighter. Just then, all the other fire fighters exited the house and saw me. As one, they stopped and stared. I stopped. They continued staring. I lifted up my hands to try to think of some way to communicate something to them, and instead turned and ran for home like the socially awkward CHICKEN that I am!

Hi, yes, thank you. Neighbor of the YEAR!

But I redeemed myself somewhat by finding their phone number and calling to make my inquiries. This was hard enough at 11:00 p.m. but I'm glad I did it. Now I know they're okay and they know that they have friends in the neighborhood.

Perhaps tonight will be the Phoenix of a new friendship rising out of (luckily) no ashes at all.