Housekeeping

Okay, I like to joke about my poor domestic skills and pretend I'm totally cool with the fact that I live in Slob City. Between you and me, however, that's all a lie I tell myself so I don't have a nervous breakdown. I'm jealous of people who are so on top of their housework and I secretly feel better about myself when I walk into somebody else's messy house. Both emotions arise from unhealthy comparisons, so I try to talk myself out of them.

The truth is that if I were to stop comparing my toxic waste levels to others, I'd realize that I'm genuinely unhappy with things because I don't want to live this way. This is neither awesome nor attractive. (Funny side note: I was watching TV yesterday and there was a truck commercial where one guy goes, "That's awesome" and then the other guy goes, "Very attractive" or something like that. I couldn't believe my ears. Did they totally just steal the "awesome & attractive" bit from Kung Fu Panda?!? How transparent. See, it's funny on a personal blog where I am expected to make references to pop culture on occasion. Less funny when copywriters are getting paid to not-so-subtly steal good lines from other writers. You could say there is no charge, but actually there was.)

Wait, what was I saying before I got sidetracked? Oh yeah, the unawesomeness of a cluttered life. So, ahem, I do not really live in a pigsty. After much hard work and advance notice, my house looks decent for company. It's never spotless but it looks presentable so that people who read my blog say, "Your house isn't that dirty." I smile and try to thank them for the ?compliment?.

I've discovered something important. If I invite people over and let them make a mess, they clean it up and then they keep cleaning. This happened twice in the last few days. Once at a playdate and yesterday at my impromptu Pumpkin Carving Family Night Party. Both times, people apologized for the mess they'd made and started to clean it up. I'm not one to protest and tell them I'll clean it up later. I mean... I will clean it up later. But it might be several days/weeks/months later depending on what it is, so I might as well take the help that's offered. 

Then comes the funny part. They think they need to clean until it's back to a "clean level" which it most certainly wasn't before they got there. At this point, I'm tempted to let them keep cleaning so that I come out better in the end, but my conscience forbids. I have to say, "This is already cleaner than it was when you got here. Don't worry about it! I'll clean this up ... eventually" It's pretty funny. Yesterday, I actually couldn't resist the temptation when my brother-in-law told my nephew to wipe the counter clean. I started to protest, but then I decided that it's an aunt's job to help her nephews build character. So I smiled and walked away. The counter was fairly clean before they got there, so I don't feel too guilty.

The other thing I've learned is that people either think I'm rich or they get really tired of hearing me talk about how dirty my house is, because I have been battered for years to hire a housecleaning service. This irritates me every single time. If my great-great-grandmother could walk across the plains and build a house from the sandy desert floor up, I can keep a stinkin' house clean. Or if I can't, then I'll just live this way until I figure it out!

Well, okay, that's a lie. I am seriously considering calling for help here pretty quick, but not for a permanent hire; just an intense round of "spring cleaning" to get everything really clean one time. I am a stay-at-home Mom, for heavens sake. If I can't keep my house clean, what's the point of me being the parent to stay at home? It hurts my ego way too much to have somebody else do my work for me.

I just need to move to a different part of the world where it's considered my responsibility to financially support others by getting domestic help. Then I can have my cake, eat it too while the nanny feeds the kids cake in a different room, and have somebody else clean the dishes afterward and sweep the crumbs away.