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I found it funny when my shrink accused me of being a man-hater. Okay, he didn't use those exact words. He said he thought I had a "deficit view" of men in general.
I was like, wait, excuse me?
"I have always been more of a man EATER," I corrected him. "Of course, that was years ago." (Two of my boyfriends dedicated a couple choice songs to me--I'm sure I've blogged about how I've always loved Duran Duran's Femme Fatale since then.)
I am not a man hater. I have always gotten along better with men than women, ever since I was a child. Why? Because women are horrible.
Horrible. Mean. Malicious. Gossip-mongering terrible creatures*.
I mean, we're awesome, too. Don't get me wrong. But days like TODAY, I am ashamed to have that feminine side deep inside of me.
So here's what happened. My little Thomas, the one who was recently diagnosed with Asperger's (Autism Spectrum Disorder), has been asking to have a play date with a little girl at school for a few weeks. I thought they got along great and was relieved that Tommy found a friend. She even wrote down her phone number for him to call her, but we never got a chance.
Then today. He came home and said, "Me and ---- are going to have a play date today!" Then he said something about her not knowing her house number, but something-or-other. I told him I'd have to call her Mom, and then a couple minutes later I found a piece of paper on the table that said in little kindergarten handwriting, "I hat you Thomas."
I stared at it, trying to take it in. I held the paper up and said, "Thomas, what is this?"
"That's ----'s house number," he replied.
"But it doesn't have an address on it. No numbers."
"That's her address."
So apparently Tommy wanted to get together to play and asked for her address. She wrote down, "I hat you Thomas" on a paper and gave it to him. It's one thing to write down a fake phone number to get rid of a creepy guy in a nightclub, but this is different.
Who could hate my little boy? He is the brightest ray of sunshine in the whole world. What kind of person would pull a prank like that on a sweet little six-year-old, telling him that they'll get together to play and instead telling him she hates him? I am just glad he never looked carefully at the paper. I am trying to restrain my Mama Bear instinct--that little Mean Girl inside of me that wants to say vicious things in return.
Shame on you, mean little girl. Shame on all mean girls everywhere.
Man hater? No. No man would pull a trick like that on a sweet little boy like Thomas.
* Okay, women are awesome. But we are also passionate creatures, and I am passionately sad right now about the way this little girl treated my son.
Don't blame it on girls. They learn how to be powerful in a world that gives them little to no power. Sometimes that means doing things that are sneaky and manipulative. It probably means imitating their mothers. If the system gave more power to women (power to express their real feelings, power to feel free to choose their course of action, power to be openly disagreeable sometimes), the men might be the ones stabbing people in the back instead. I agree that this was a rotten thing to do to Thomas, and I would be thinking very hard thoughts about that little girl and her family if I were you, also, but I don't think you need to extend it to our whole half of the human race.
ReplyDeleteWow, that is sad for a 6 yearl little girl to be expressing hate at such a young age. I'm glad your little one didn't understand thant she was trying to be mean to him.
ReplyDeleteThe little girl probably knew that what she had written to your son was not a very nice thing to say. Hopefully she doesn’t truly mean that she hates your son, because hate is a word that children may use when they hear it from others, but they rarely at such a young age understand the concept of hate.
Little boys can be mean too, but usually it’s in the form of bullying or more physical, where girls often use words, which can cut deep and sometimes scar forever. Again, so glad your son was sparred knowledge of cruelty.
I agree with both of you and am deeply inspired by most women I know. Yet there are moments...
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh!! That's awful! :( I'm glad he didn't realize what it said.
ReplyDeleteHe'll find friends that will appreciate him for him, probably boys - boys and girls aren't supposed to play together yet anyway, right? At least that's what all of those cooties rumors tell me.
I agree with you that girls have a way of being malicious and hurtful. As a kindergarten teacher I usually have more trouble dealing with the mean girl issues than boy rambunctiousness. I never was one of those mean girls (or at least I don't think so!) but as a child I suffered a lot of pain and anxiety over the antics of other mean girls. I just hope that my girls are never that mean!
ReplyDeleteI can relate! There was a horrible gossipy girl in my 6th grade class that really made life miserable for all of us. We ended up having a huge class-wide intervention with all the girls in tears (and some of the boys, too!) She was sort of the queen bee and I was seriously nerdy because I just had no interest in joining the fun.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry form you and your sweet Thomas.
ReplyDeleteI randomly found your blog... Hope you don't mind if I follow you. We believe my son may have Asperger's so it's nice to read other peoples' adventures.
ReplyDeleteBtw, I agree, how mean of her.
Julianna, your our children are very,very lucky to have you for a Mom.
ReplyDeleteThat is SO sad. I am sorry. Hope Thomas has other sweet friends.
ReplyDeleteDear Julianna,
ReplyDeleteSome things are universal, malicious gossiper women diced my family into tiny, seperate pieces. Same with my ex-wifes family. Same with my second wife of 20 years. She does not even know why I am leaving her, just goes on talking about the evil drool in her's and her relative-women's heads...
The above is Catholic, Baptist and Protestant, Morom women own no monopoly on malevolent fantasy projected out from the person thinking the malevolent fantasy.
If there were a draft for war, I would easily have qualified as conscientuous objector (I wanted to be a religious leader but was too girl hungry to be a Catholic priest).
The evils assigned me by women in the workplace, etc., could easily be a book.
The point of this is those with any disability at all are discriminated against, despite our laws. Those like your son will be discrinimated against for life. Those doing the discriminating seem to feel it is 'their right'. Afraid you had better get used to it or be an on-fire force that embarasses the Congress into fines with teeth to those who discrimate on the mentall/emotionally different.
Any form of Autism, BiPolar 1, Schizo-Effective Disorder, etc. is a vertiable social-death sentence. People with the above do not make good self-champions; rather, we are steam-rollered into a sub-existence, usually. A few own businesses, etc., when you have the above and do not fire yourself you do well.