NaNo No No

Okay, I guess I just committed a few NaNo No Nos. I edited. I hated it. I scrapped most of it and started over. It hurt. But it had to happen.

I fell in love with my first chapter, thought the second chapter was a'ight and then it dissolved into black and white characters that were caricatures of real life. I hate characters that are clearly good or clearly bad. My main character, who I hope will be pitiable, is also pitiful. That's on purpose. I want her mistakes to hurt the reader the way they hurt her. Real life is not just painful when it happens to you... real life hurts when you bring the problems on yourself.

So I couldn't make my main character a victim of a horrendous childhood, which is what I'd done. I had to add a few shades of grey so that people could relate to the parents, the sister and the main character equally. Shakespeare was a master of adding the "tragic flaw" to make characters human, lovable and pitiful.

Now the plot seems to be plodding, though, as I try to add a more detailed picture of my character's youth. Too much character development and not enough plot = unappealing to most readers. How do you strike a balance? I've never done this before.. this is HARD! But it's fun, too, and hopefully I won't wimp out when I get too far behind. I'm a very talented procrastinator, but I'm also very talented and churning things out at the last minute. So stay tuned.

Here are the opening two paragraphs to my NaNo project for your ... ummm ... enjoyment?

It amazes me how complete the darkness can be. It must be late morning and the sun hasn’t started to disturb the quiet, dusty surfaces of this room. I wonder what time it is. I peeked out the window a few minutes ago and the sunlight blinded me, so I turned away and came back to this sanctuary of shadows. This inner room is cluttered and dark, but it was used so infrequently in the old days that it holds none of the painful memories that still cling to other rooms. I spend most of my time here.

Jenn says there will be a time when I can again walk through this home with a smile. I try to pray for this miracle, but the silence I hear afterward is too suffocating. I’ve been hurt by nearly everything in my life and I just can’t put my heart into reaching out to God. I’m afraid he will hurt me, too, and that rejection would be the most painful of all.