At a Loss

I have no idea what to do on days like today.

I feel sick. Not so sick that I can't function: just sick enough to feel like crud. Like I want to be laying in bed with a good book and some pain relievers in my system. Sick enough that I'd love to have somebody fussing over me, asking what I need. Just sick enough that serving breakfast to my kids was an accomplishment, and the idea of cleaning up the mess afterward is somewhat farcical.

It's just one of those days.

If I didn't have kids, I'd be in the bathtub, which is great for aches and pains. I'd be reading one of my three new books that I recently bought. Or one of the other books that I haven't finished yet.

If I was working full-time (...outside the home...) I'd either go in to work or call in sick. Black and white, ya know? Either I'm there or I'm not. But I don't work outside the home and I do have kids. They're young kids. They can't change their own diapers. They would be happy to serve themselves meals but I'm not willing to risk the likely stomach aches and definite mess. I can't just get in the bath. I can't just flop on the bed. I have to be here. But I feel like crud.

I think this is the single most frustrating aspect of being a stay-at-home Mom: how do I care for myself when I need to care for myself but simply cannot care for myself?