A conversation I had with my five-year-old a few minutes ago:
“Mom, would you love me if I was a ball?”
“Yes, I’d always love you, even if you were a ball.”
“Mom, what if one of these other balls was a part of our family?”
“Then I’d love that ball, too.”
“Okay, Mom, would you love this ball if he was a part of our family and his name was Frank?”
“Sure, Joseph.”
“Okay, then, here you go. Love him. Frank.”
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
An Observation
The only practical purpose of the phrase "no offense, but..." is to forewarn the listener that they are about to be insulted.
Monday, August 27, 2007
Quotes from "The Book Thief"
Some of my favorite quotes from the first few chapters of "The Book Thief":
This is the entire first page (plus a little bit more):
First the colors.
Then the humans.
That's usually how I see things.
Or at least, how I try.
I am in all truthfulness attempting to be cheerful about this whole topic, though most people find themselves hindered in believing me, no matter my protestations. Please, trust me. I most definitely can be cheerful. I can be amiable. Agreeable. Affable. And that's only the A's. Just don't ask me to be nice. Nice has nothing to do with me.
***REACTION TO THE AFOREMENTIONED FACT***
--Of course, an introduction.
A beginning.
Where are my manners?
I could introduce myself properly, but it's not really necessary. You will know me well enough and soon enough, depending on a diverse range of variables. It suffices to say that at some point in time, I will be standing over you, as genially as possible. Your soul will be in my arms. A color will be perched on your shoulder. I will carry you gently away.
Two pages later:
White is without a question a color, and personally, I don't think you want to argue with me.
***A REASSURING ANNOUNCEMENT***
And one of my favorites:
***A TRANSLATION***
Whoever named Himmel Street certainly had a healthy sense of irony. Not that it was a living hell. It wasn't. But it sure as hell wasn't heaven, either.
This is the entire first page (plus a little bit more):
First the colors.
Then the humans.
That's usually how I see things.
Or at least, how I try.
***HERE IS A SMALL FACT***
You are going to die.
I am in all truthfulness attempting to be cheerful about this whole topic, though most people find themselves hindered in believing me, no matter my protestations. Please, trust me. I most definitely can be cheerful. I can be amiable. Agreeable. Affable. And that's only the A's. Just don't ask me to be nice. Nice has nothing to do with me.
***REACTION TO THE AFOREMENTIONED FACT***
Does this worry you?
I urge you--don't be afraid.
I'm nothing if not fair.
--Of course, an introduction.
A beginning.
Where are my manners?
I could introduce myself properly, but it's not really necessary. You will know me well enough and soon enough, depending on a diverse range of variables. It suffices to say that at some point in time, I will be standing over you, as genially as possible. Your soul will be in my arms. A color will be perched on your shoulder. I will carry you gently away.
Two pages later:
White is without a question a color, and personally, I don't think you want to argue with me.
***A REASSURING ANNOUNCEMENT***
Please, be calm, despite that previous threat.
I am all bluster--I am not violent.
I am not malicious.
I am a result.
And one of my favorites:
***A TRANSLATION***
Himmel = Heaven
Whoever named Himmel Street certainly had a healthy sense of irony. Not that it was a living hell. It wasn't. But it sure as hell wasn't heaven, either.
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
Site Address
To all my loyal devoted reader(s?):
You can now access my blog two ways: using this same address (http://jhm2.blogspot.com) or going directly to http://blog.geekuniverse.org. This change is phase one of actually doing something with my domain name other than hosting files conveniently.
The new site (eventually) will host the blog, our photo gallery (now at http://www.geekuniverse.org/gallery/main.php) and miscellaneous geeky this-and-thats.
You can now access my blog two ways: using this same address (http://jhm2.blogspot.com) or going directly to http://blog.geekuniverse.org. This change is phase one of actually doing something with my domain name other than hosting files conveniently.
The new site (eventually) will host the blog, our photo gallery (now at http://www.geekuniverse.org/gallery/main.php) and miscellaneous geeky this-and-thats.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Crying for Rudy Steiner
Books, words, images. These are the themes of the novel I just finished reading: "The Book Thief." The backdrop? World War II. The eyes we see through for the journey? Death.
There are two books which have utterly torn my soul into two pieces and left me a new person. The first was "Where Angels Fear to Tread" by E.M. Forster. The second was "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak.
Read it. Now. Don't wait for the library hold list like I did for months. Buy it. Read it. Enjoy. Tell me what you thought.
There are two books which have utterly torn my soul into two pieces and left me a new person. The first was "Where Angels Fear to Tread" by E.M. Forster. The second was "The Book Thief" by Markus Zusak.
Read it. Now. Don't wait for the library hold list like I did for months. Buy it. Read it. Enjoy. Tell me what you thought.
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Very Important Message
I have relatives (who shall remain unnamed) who regularly send me emails on subjects which they feel are very important: the latest bill that congress is about to pass which will endanger the free world as we know it, horrible computer viruses which are going to create a second ice age, etc. Not that there aren't real causes for concern in the world; I just don't believe that most legitimate concerns are discussed and resolved in the realm of spamlike, extremist, panic-inducing emails.
Those petition ones really get me the most. Let's say person A sends an email to B, C and D asking them to sign their name at the bottom and then forward on. Logic goes, eventually this petition will make its way all around the internet and end up on some ashamed congressman's desk who will immediately storm into the capital demanding change.
First email sig line:
A
After the friends each sign:
A, B
A, C
and
A, D
Already we have a discrepancy on our hands! The three friends never signed the same "petition!" Then it just gets worse:
A, B, E
A, B, F
A, B, G
A, C, H
A, C, I
A, C, J
A, D, K
A, D, L
A, D, L
Imagine how convoluted this would be after it's been forwarded 10 times. Or 100. Or 1000. And it will just keep getting forwarded forever, annoying innocent people like ME.
So I'm begging you. Please. If you have my email address, use with caution. Do not forward me "petitions" to send on to congress. I will delete so fast the computer won't know what hit it. Do not warm me about the latest virus which I must not open(!!!!!!!). Do not ask me to send money to a family or government or corporation in need. I will not do so. I will send my charity dollars to places that I have researched on my own and really believe in.
If you want to send me something humorous, send it on! Something inspirational? As long as it isn't Bush-loving, "patriotic," rest-of-the-world hating, right-extremist inspiration, send it on! Here's a perfect example of what you SHOULD send to me. It is the inspiration for this blog entry. Enjoy:
http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf
(Thanks, Elle, for the link!)
Those petition ones really get me the most. Let's say person A sends an email to B, C and D asking them to sign their name at the bottom and then forward on. Logic goes, eventually this petition will make its way all around the internet and end up on some ashamed congressman's desk who will immediately storm into the capital demanding change.
First email sig line:
A
After the friends each sign:
A, B
A, C
and
A, D
Already we have a discrepancy on our hands! The three friends never signed the same "petition!" Then it just gets worse:
A, B, E
A, B, F
A, B, G
A, C, H
A, C, I
A, C, J
A, D, K
A, D, L
A, D, L
Imagine how convoluted this would be after it's been forwarded 10 times. Or 100. Or 1000. And it will just keep getting forwarded forever, annoying innocent people like ME.
So I'm begging you. Please. If you have my email address, use with caution. Do not forward me "petitions" to send on to congress. I will delete so fast the computer won't know what hit it. Do not warm me about the latest virus which I must not open(!!!!!!!). Do not ask me to send money to a family or government or corporation in need. I will not do so. I will send my charity dollars to places that I have researched on my own and really believe in.
If you want to send me something humorous, send it on! Something inspirational? As long as it isn't Bush-loving, "patriotic," rest-of-the-world hating, right-extremist inspiration, send it on! Here's a perfect example of what you SHOULD send to me. It is the inspiration for this blog entry. Enjoy:
http://info.org.il/irrelevant/may02-smilepop-soapbox4.swf
(Thanks, Elle, for the link!)
Sunday, August 05, 2007
P.W. Seared Pot Roast
I assure you that the P.W. in the title does not stand for a small child’s disgusted cry of “Peeeyoo!”
If you think it might stand for “Proven Winner” you’re also wrong.
If you guessed “Prize Winning” you’re getting closer! But only because somebody will give me some sarcastic Darwin-esque award when they’re done reading this blog entry.
I think I have a good track record of making mouth-watering pot roasts in the past. Today I decided to try something a little different. My Mom said she always takes them straight from the freezer, sears them a bit on each side to keep in the juices and lets them cook a little longer than usual. I thought, “Why not?” The Why Not was occasioned in part by the fact that I had no fresh meat to satisfy my inner carnivore.
I warmed up the stove (a lot, as it turns out, because I got distracted by the twins needing something) then unwrapped the pot roast. It looked a little shiny and icy on the outside, but otherwise quite cookable. I put a little oil in the pan, browned two sides of the pot roast and then turned it down to cook with some nice seasonings and water.
When I got home from church a couple hours later, I had the following conversation with my husband (who had stayed home with the sick twins):
Husband Man (laughing): I took the plastic wrap off your pot roast.
Me (blinking and furrowing my eyebrows): P—P—Plastic wrap?
Husband: Yeah. The whole roast was wrapped in plastic wrap.
Me (more blinking and furrowing): But, I didn’t…. I seared… It browned…
Husband (paling): You SEARED it?
Me: Seared.
Turns out the Society for Kindness to Plastic Wrap need not be too worried because the plastic wrap came through without any injuries. I’m not quite sure what physics were involved with the heat and the sizzling and browning of the meat and seeming lack of change in the plastic wrap.
So now you know what my special “P.W. Seared Pot Roast” is: Plastic Wrap-seared Pot Roast. I swear I had no way of knowing it was all covered in plastic wrap. I didn’t see the butcher wrapping it. And when I unwrapped it, it looked like a nice, solid sheen of ice on top but otherwise completely unnoticeable. Oh well. Perhaps it’ll turn out better this way and I’ll start preparing it this way every time. (Anxiety of carcinogens and plastic chemicals aside…)
If you think it might stand for “Proven Winner” you’re also wrong.
If you guessed “Prize Winning” you’re getting closer! But only because somebody will give me some sarcastic Darwin-esque award when they’re done reading this blog entry.
I think I have a good track record of making mouth-watering pot roasts in the past. Today I decided to try something a little different. My Mom said she always takes them straight from the freezer, sears them a bit on each side to keep in the juices and lets them cook a little longer than usual. I thought, “Why not?” The Why Not was occasioned in part by the fact that I had no fresh meat to satisfy my inner carnivore.
I warmed up the stove (a lot, as it turns out, because I got distracted by the twins needing something) then unwrapped the pot roast. It looked a little shiny and icy on the outside, but otherwise quite cookable. I put a little oil in the pan, browned two sides of the pot roast and then turned it down to cook with some nice seasonings and water.
When I got home from church a couple hours later, I had the following conversation with my husband (who had stayed home with the sick twins):
Husband Man (laughing): I took the plastic wrap off your pot roast.
Me (blinking and furrowing my eyebrows): P—P—Plastic wrap?
Husband: Yeah. The whole roast was wrapped in plastic wrap.
Me (more blinking and furrowing): But, I didn’t…. I seared… It browned…
Husband (paling): You SEARED it?
Me: Seared.
Turns out the Society for Kindness to Plastic Wrap need not be too worried because the plastic wrap came through without any injuries. I’m not quite sure what physics were involved with the heat and the sizzling and browning of the meat and seeming lack of change in the plastic wrap.
So now you know what my special “P.W. Seared Pot Roast” is: Plastic Wrap-seared Pot Roast. I swear I had no way of knowing it was all covered in plastic wrap. I didn’t see the butcher wrapping it. And when I unwrapped it, it looked like a nice, solid sheen of ice on top but otherwise completely unnoticeable. Oh well. Perhaps it’ll turn out better this way and I’ll start preparing it this way every time. (Anxiety of carcinogens and plastic chemicals aside…)
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